


changes | south park x reader

by nikonikoru



Category: South Park
Genre: F/F, F/M, Harems, Randomness, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27175966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikonikoru/pseuds/nikonikoru
Summary: you've always been with the guys, you blended in well with them, you had the same hobbies and interests. but what will happen if they stop viewing you as one of them, what if they start liking you as a woman?
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Reader, Damien Thorn/Reader, Kenny McCormick/Reader, Kyle Broflovski/Reader, Pete Thelman/Reader, Stan Marsh/Reader, Wendy Testaburger/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 97





	1. prolouge

fitting in was hard, especially if you are new, you never know what's going to happen, you never know who you'll be living with.

that's what you thought years ago when your family moved to the quiet little mountain town in colorado, south park.

it was hard finding new friends, people who liked you and had the same interests, especially if you were a video-game addict sporty girl in a town filled with sexist boys-

you had to face a lot of challenges in order to find your now stable friend group and finally fit in normally with the people around you.

from strippers to aliens, your normal life and your dream to keep it that way was completely fucked because of this town, the aliens, the strippers the other weird shits you've experienced has strayed you away from your desired life-

well you weren't complaining, this was actually not bad, better even than a normal boring life. 

you were viewed as the tomboy within the boys, the only girl the boys hang out with, and the only girl that the girls hate.

you were satisfied with how you were, hanging out with the guys, playing video games with them along with discussing who had the largest shit.

you were fine with it, you were satisfied with how you lived.

until puberty and middle school came to fuck your normal life up.


	2. why do people think that i have a weewee?

"dad, how much longer?" you asked your father, leaning against the window car, your eyes peering through the window, feeling more anxious as you observed the growing amount of trees in your way.

it was the day you moved to your new house, in a place called south park here in colorado. you weren't exactly against this idea, but it wasn't as if you liked it as well. you see, moving wasn't exactly as enojayable or exciting as it may seemed to be, moving was scary. who the hell knows what kind of neighbor you will have-what kind of community you will grow in, and for you a nine year old kid, the most important thing question is-who are going to be your playmates.

the best candidates would be girls, but you wouldn't mind boys as well. as for personality, anything other than being an asshole was acceptable. as long as they're not that creepy kinda neighborhood kid, you were fine. 

well if you'll be unfortunate and will have to be stuck eith lame people, you still have your video games to accompany you, so in the end, it's not that big of a worry. 

makes you wonder why you're thinking about it so much-well at least that's one big worry down, not enough to make this trip less annoying. 

"just a lil' more sweetie, we'll be there in an hour or so." he replied, making you groan.

also another thing you weren't very fond off was traveling 1000 plus fucking miles-just siting on the car for a long period of time in general was something you fucking hated.

and jesus christ-look at that amount of fucking snow, from hell to freezing hell, way to fucking go. 

you never thought you'd miss the scorching sun-but here you are, wishing you skin was red because of the heat instead of the stupid fucking cold-whatever. 

"stop bitching about it, it's only just an hour." your brother grumbled from behind, making you look at him.

not only were you faced with the problems already enumerated from earlier-the cherry on top has yet to be revealed, and of course it was no one else but your brother- the dumb weirdo that you have as a brother.p

it wasn't as if you hated him, he was okay, you were fine with him doing weird creepy shit, that was basically who he was. however what wasn't fine is when you get involved-which you've noticed increasing along with the zits on his ugly ass face. 

"language richard." scolding him, your father huffed, having a hard time keeping his eyes on the road, trying his best not to get you guys killed. 

what a hypocrite, you thought, rolling your eyes mentally-your father cussed like a sailor, the fuck is he doing tryna look all christian good boy and shit? but hey, the asshole got scolded so like it's still acceptable.

"yeah dick." you snicker, holdng in a laugh as you see him fume in annoyance. it was really nice pissing him off-the only way you can back at him for being himself.

"(name)!" your father shouts, _baffled_ by your dirty language.

"what?" you raised your brow at your father. "that's his nickname right?" you turned your back to your brother, a smirk on your face. "dick?" you teased, delight evident on your face as his face turned red-probably from anger or the fucking icy ass wind.

"don't call me that you bitch!" the sixth grader exclaimed, his fist almost hitting your face until the seat belt stopped him. the attempt enough was enough to make you giggle, but his struggle is what made you really cackle.

"richard!"

"dad look!" you feigned a helpless face, "dick is gonna punch me but he can't cuz' his arms are too wittle!" you mockingly point out, feigning a fake face of concern. 

"the fuck you say to me!?"he shouted making your father stop the car. 

"enough!" huffing your father looked at the both of you, obvious disappointment in his eyes.

"you two stop fighting unless you both want me to ground you!" the seriousness in his face evident as his brows furrowed and met in the middle, you almost want to laugh-but you remembered what respect for parent was and that it existed.

"but he started it!" you whined, placing you arms on your chest, huffing in annoyance.

"don't put the blame on me bitch!" your brother shouts, and you couldn't help but smirk-this dick made the wrong move, making it easier for you to take the innocent role.

"that's it richard! you're grounded!." you smiled in glee as your father dropped his words, the joy in your heart increasing as you saw your brother's fuming face.

"what why the fu-" "language!" "bu-" "one more word young man and being grounded is not the only thing you will get!" 

"wha-fine! screw you guys!" he huffed crossing his arm together in frustration, facing the window, averting his eyes away.

your father sighed, his eyes shifting towards you, a sheepish smile on your face as you two made eye contact.

"and you little girl," he pinched your cheeks, making you cringe and complain," will have to stop provoking your brother and other people as well, ok?" he pats your head, ruffling your hair in the process.

"but he looks so cute when he's mad." swatting his hands away from your head, a pout on your face as you lied.

your father sighs, smiling at you fondly. "ah, you're just like your mother."

"yeah they're both bitches..." you heard you brother mumble, but decided to give mercy and not snitch on him next time, knowing that it was something that will actually give him a big punishment if your father did hear.

mother topics-yikes, yuckers.

so instead, you tried to reply as vaguely as posible, trying hard to cover the sarcasm with an innocent looking head tilt. "was that supposed to be a compliment?"

"take it however you want to." luckily he didn't seenyto get the real message, placing his eyes on the road once more, starting the car as it began to move forward. "now go sleep kiddo, you'll be needing it when we get to colorado." 

"ok dad," you give him a small smile, looking at the window as you began to doze off, not noticing the evil entity staring you down like a fucking karen when they see someone on someone else's bush-

"oh, you're so gonna get it you bitch." 

* * *

"wake up sweetie, we're here." you heard your dad mumble, tapping you lightly on your shoulder making you flutter your eyes open.

"mhm, dad?" you groaned, moving your body to sit down normally.

but you failed to do so, as an aching pain from your neck-no scalp started to occur. 

"ow, wait, my-my hair!" you exclaimed, looking back at the tangled mess that happened with you tresses. the big chunk of hair on the base of the seats headrest scaring you. 

"what's wrong [name]?" your father asked from outside in concern.

"it-it's stuck!" you complain, struggling with it, this action causes yoi to feel more of the painful tugging sensation, makes you wonder why you did that- maybe you weren't far from these incels after all-

"what?why what happened!?" 

"it's stuck to the seat dad! i-i can't get it out!" you whined, stubbornly trying to remove it away from the seat, an action you have yet to realize was wrong. 

"oh shit-richard, give me scissors!" he calls out, even if that name was to act like a beacon of hope-you felt nothing but annoyance. 

speaking of the devil, your dear brother came out from your new home, a fake innocent smile forming in his face, and it all comes together-this asshole. 

"language, harrison." he says, mocking your father's tone from before. an action so fucking cringey that you tug your hair harder to ease the pain-

you can't with your brother when he fucking does that-he looks like debby fucking ryan tryna look slick. 

"richard!" shouts your father, and unsurprisingly, this made you annoyed as well. 

why the hell was he standing there, shouting, when he could like get the pair of scissors instead. he's like those people in battle royale video games-who will only stare at you instead of reviving you. 

so not fucking gamer-you haven't even moved in and this sucks ass already. 

richard only laughed at you misery, that kind of laugh you'd hear from those anime-a laugh supposedly done to look cool was so poorly executed it made your blood boil. 

holy shit, why where you living with these kinds of people. 

"oh you fucking dick!" and by anger, rage and pure annoyance. you rip your hair from the seat, achieving strengths you didn't even know you could do, removing a huge chunk of strands from your head. 

you fucking ripped it off like a white t shirt in a macho film-pop off dude. 

with this new found power- _i'm so fucking done and tired woth. this bullshit and now i'm gonna beat you up like the mad man that i am, so fuck you guys_ \- you rushed towards him, you hands finding his chest, pushing him towards the ground. 

"fucking bitch-get of off me!" he struggles, but it lead to no where as the beast inside you began to break free, releasing your frustration by the form of punches. 

"shut the fuck up you asshole! ill beat you to death and make you cry like the bitch boy that you are!" you seethe as he blocks your blows with one of his hand, a true example of what a real pussy is. 

"don't fucking call me that!" and here comes the plot twist-this bitch boy grew some balls surprisingly, retiring from the only role he was actually good at, making this fight more... stupid. 

i mean, punches really? bitch you two look like you are acting in a school play- nonetheless, in your eyes you still look cool. 

because you were obviously winning-and that's what matters. 

"richard, [name]!" your father exclaimed, a part of you almost forgetting ge was there, finally retiring from his audience role, trying to pry of his kids from each other, hopping that he could stop them before they kill each other. 

which he should've done earlier-

as the family horse around, unknown to these weirdos were the pair of green eyes wincing at the scene. 

this family was the weird neighbor kind huh? 

"holy shit, they're nuts. the new family next door is wild." his mumbles, deciding to go back with studying, removing his eyes from the disturbing sight. "better not mess around with them." 

* * *

"stupid dick." 

"fucking ogre." 

"asshole." 

"midget." 

"no you're the midget." 

"don't fucking call me that! i'm not short! i'm a late bloomer that's all, i'm gonna grow fucking taller than you just wait!" 

"that's what they all say, give up dude, you're older than me but you're barely taller than i am! "

"that's cause dad has shit genes!" you would lie if you said you didn't fucking giggle, this making you question your sanity, did you actually laugh at a joke from your brother?

"richard!" your dad shouted from the kitchen, finally noticing and hearing your bickering. 

was this man growing old faster-was his reaction time always this slow? 

"way to go dumbass," you snort as you complimented him sarcastically, your eyes shifting away as you decided to avoid anymore trouble by avoiding him. 

you huffed in frustration thinking about your now short hair, it wasn't as if it was long in the first place, but you did manage to rip a few inches apart. 

"surprisingly i didn't go bald bald, thank god it's wasn't hair from the scalp that i ripped." you mutter, touching one of your shorter strands. 

"thinking about your fugly hair?" he sneered across from you, a haughty smile forming on his face. 

"oh, you're so gonna get it you dip shit." you sneer a threat. 

"[name] language." your father scolded you once more as he came from the kitchen, holding your dinner bringing it to the table. 

had you known you'd be having fucking subway for dinner, you would be volunteering to cook this time. 

his eyes softened as he looked at your hair, pity visible as he observed your current state. pity for your hair, not you. 

"uh oh, it's dad and his hair fetish again." your brother snickered, making you hold in a laugh. 

you would not laugh at this asshole two times in a day-once is bad enough. 

"richard," he says sternly. "i do not have a hair fetish, i just think that you did so well in ruining your sister's beautiful hair." 

he smiled at your brother, "yet again, you never failed to disappoint me." he jokes, well more like spat some real facts, making you laugh, an action acceptable as it didn't came from the asshole. 

"he-hey, that's too far!" he complains, shaking his head. 

"that's what you get dick." you only clutched your stomach as your giggles increased, laughing at the face your brother was making. he was so fucking ugly, it's so cute. 

your brother groaned in frustration 

"not you too dad, don't call me that." 

your father shook his head, "ah you're so weird richard, how come you let your grandparents call you that but not me?"

"says the one with the hair fetish," he mumbles quietly but not enough to fall deaf upon your ears. "and you know i can't say no to gran gran." you snort, what a loser. 

"aw you're such a softie richard!" your father wrapped his arms around your now embarrassed brother, making you gag at the sight. 

"get of off me you hair fetishist!" you brother shouts but your father just ignores it, turning towards you right now. 

"come here kiddo," you shook your head in disgust. "ew no." you huff. "don't pretend like you don't want to be part of this [nickname]." your father smiles, seeing through your mask. 

well here's the temporary wholesomeness this family managed to snag from wallmart-these moments, though as edgy and as cool as you are, were the best. 

"ugh, yucky." you say but your actions betray you as your father accepted you into his arms. 

he smiled from above the two of you, hope filled voice filling your ears. 

"this is to our new beginning kids," he thoughtfully says. "just hope you guys won't fuck it up." he mumbles. 

"language harry." 

"oh shut up you little shits."

* * *

you eyes scanned the room, new faces filling your vision, observing them mutter and talk about probably you, the new kid. 

ugh, you totally forgot about the biggest turd in this pile of garbage you called problems-fucking school, holy shit, you could already envision the hard time you will bave just to fit in. 

"This is [name] [surname] mmkay, he's a new student mmkay and I hope you little assholes will treat him right mmkay, i'm looking at you boys mmkay..." the teacher said, who's name you remembered was sir mackey, his voice and weird way of speaking making you feel weird. 

annoyed almost. 

_"what do you mean he-"_

"ah i'm not-" "the introductions done mmkay, now go sit beside butters mmkay?" you wanted to clarify things, but you were however denied the opportunity of it as he pointed towards a blonde boy, who looked very happy at the mention of his name. 

not able to do anything about the clarification of your gender and disregarding it as a minor issue, you just nodded, heading towards the empty seat. 

"hey new kid, nice to meet ya', i'm leopold stotch, but you can call me butters!" it was as if your heart stopped as he talked to you with his cute accent. 

holy shit, this was the best thing you've ever had for a week-he was too cute for you, too much. 

it's been a while since you've felt something like this, the two worms in youveybeen hang out with-not your choice-has given you nothing but headaches and annoyance. 

"new kid?" he must've noticed you staring at him, hoping you didn't creep him out, you replied. 

"ah, you can call me [name]," you mumble in embarrassment. 

"okay [name]!" he beamed, making your heart flutter once more, what a cute kid, he's like a hamster. 

"now listen up kids mmkay, i'm gonna start the lesson so you better listen mmkay!" 

you were up to a great start, you told yourself, nothing could go wrong.

* * *

"hey new kid," you heard a voice from behind call you, you turned around and saw a girl with black hair, her eyes staring at yours, and a small blush evident on her cheeks. 

"oh, uhm, hey?" you replied, "do you need something?" 

the red in her cheeks increased, "oh i just wanted to know if you wanted to eat with us that's all..." 

_"finally a girl to talk to!"_

girls were always more mature than boys, a stereotype? yes. but hey it's true. 

they're like the best candidate for friends, they weren't into that much sport but hey, you'd do anything for the cookies you get in sleep overs. you were okay with it- you liked boy stuff but it doesn't necessarily mean you like hanging out with guys. 

"yeah su-" "what the fuck is this?" interrupting you was a voice, who was now coming closer to you and the girl

your instincts tell you that this is indeed a great force of evil heading towards your way-something you wished you didn't ignore. 

"what kind of bullshit is this wendy? you tryna give our new buddy cooties?" you perked up at shifted your gaze to the rather large kid coming towards your way. 

"shut up cartman, the new kid can sit with whoever he wants!" she exclaims, defending you. 

"that's not the way it works you stupid hippie," you blink at his insult, unable to comprehend their conversation, what the hell are they talking about. 

"ah-" "come on new kid, before this bitch gives you more of her cooties." 

you were unable to speak up to yourself as he dragged you away from her, him stopping until you made your way to a table filled with boys, wow what a sight. 

"i saved him you guys," you heard him boast, "i saved him from the girls!" 

"saved who now?" you heard a guy with the green hat tell you, his eyes raising in confusion like yours. finally someone you can relate to. 

"i saved him from wendy!" you blinked. 

"what's wrong with wendy?" yeah, what's wrong with her? she looked nice. 

"she's a two faced whiny bitch, that's what's wrong!" "hey watch your mouth fat ass, that's my girlfriend you're talking about!" defended a guy with the blue beanie, his eyes furrowing in frustration. 

"you mean ex - girlfriend stan?" says the one with the green hat again. 

"that was last week kyle," he rolled his eyes, but his mouth turned into a smile, "we're together again since yesterday!" 

"the bitch was tryna flirt with new kid here so i guess you'd be single again tomorrow marsh," 'cartman' says to 'stan', nudging you as if you two were close. "i suggest you prepare yourself to go to raisins once more." 

"shut up fat ass, i know you're lying." he says, but it was as if he was trying to convince himself. "he's lying right?" you almost pitied him, he looked like a kicked dog as he frowned. 

"mmmhmp mmhmp!" a muffled voice from the other side of the table exclaimed, but you were unable to decipher what he said ass he was at the very end of the table. 

"sick dude!" you conclude his statement as something you didn't want to know as you heard from the two other guys, confusion still however evident on your face. 

"so you gonna talk or what new kid?" you didn't follow his finger as you chased your mind for words to say. 

"uh, so hi?" he snickered, "that's all you're gonna say? lame." 

"i don't know what to say, you just kinda dragged me here man," you blinked at him. 

"you forced him to eat with us!?" exclaims kyle again. you give him a thumbs up, and he looks at his friend in disbelief. 

he must be the mom of the group, how cute. 

"i told you i saved him from wendy's aids you stupid jew!" he cleared his throat, ignoring the angry throat, ignoring the angry yells of his friend, turning towards you again. 

"how about we talk about your limited edition terrence and philip back pack, and how you're gonna give it to me 'cause I saved your life huh?" 

was this still a great start? that you can not tell. 


	3. mmhmp mmhp

"no, you may not have my bag." you sigh, shaking your head, annoyed at the boy in front of you.

it's already the last period and the rather large boy, whose name was eric cartman, haven't stopped bugging for your back pack.

you appreciate his effort but you sure as hell won't just give your back pack to him just because he whined for it-

you aren't spoiling a brat-no sis, just not. 

"eh, why not, i saved you brah, this is the least you could do to repay me." he says as if he was stating facts, what an asshole, you admire the commitment though. 

still no however, this bag has some sentiment in it, this bag was something you got when you were five, a bag your father had to look for because it was a limited edition, but that's not what makes you love this bag. 

it's because it mad eyou feel superior-the thought of having something even the cool kids couldn't was so fucking empowering. you felt like you were better than anyone with this bag-so no, you can't give it, no matter how dirty the shit was. 

and besides-his argument was so dumb, you didn't need him to come into the picture, swoop you out of wendy's cooties. 

"i didn't need your saving earlier," you groan, now growing annoyed, realizing what he was talking about. 

what kind of delusion is this boy in-cooties in fourth grade? you don't know how they did it here in colorado but what the heck, you feel so smarter. 

"but i saved you from wendy's cooties bruh!" counters, waving his hand. 

"you- cooties aren't real." you pinch the bridge of your nose in annoyance, holy shit, he was just like richard.

a dumb, sexist asshole. well richard wasn't sexist or anything-he's just a jerk sometimes, and he is dumb. 

however, unknown to you was that your statement now gained the attention of your classmates, especially the girls.

"what do you mean brah?" 

did you really have to do this? di you really have to explain what fucking cooties are? 

yes. 

"cooties aren't real, it's just some fictional disease whatever used to scare children," you say rolling your eyes in annoyance, glaring at cartman. 

you earned a gasp from the people around you, the girls growing red on their cheeks, colorado sure is cold. 

"and i'm sure wendy," you say unsure, but still going for it because you are a good person and you felt bad for the girl. "doesn't have any kind of disease what so ever, if i should avoid anyone, it would probably be you." 

your comeback received a lot of oohs from the audience, you giving yourself a pat on the back for saying something smart. 

the boy in front of you however was far from how you are feeling right now, he felt humiliated, something that he, the great eric cartman, should not be feeling. 

but before he could snap back at you and redeem himself, the bell rung distracting him from noticing you were now gone. 

he'd just have to wait a little to get back at you and your sissy ass. 

and he will have that bag at all cost. 

* * *

"hey have you guys seen the new kid? you hear eric ask one of your classmates, their head shaking in reply. 

you sigh, leaning on the wall, trying your best not to get caught. 

you were not having his shit-you were not giving your bag, you had no energy to talk to that guy. 

you were disappointed with yourself however, you weren't able to control you and your words, and everything was going so well during lunch too. 

you weren't usually like this-except with your family-but the guy was so annoying jesus christ. 

"mmhmp mhhmp!" a muffled voice from behind startled you, sounding quite familiar, making you look back. 

there stood the orange parka wearing boy, whose name you remembered was kinny, the boy who weren't able to understand earlier. 

"mmhmp, mmhp!" he says once more, making you cock your head in confusion. 

"what?" you ask again, making him reply in the same way once more. you furrowed you brows, what the hell was he saying? 

"i don't talk mmhmp mmp," you mocked him, "loosen your hoodie so i can understand you a bit." you huff, shaking your head. 

he complied, loosening the strings of his jacket, revealing his blonde hair he kept there and also revealing most of his face. 

and god were you fucking blessed-the seemingly non existent hormones that you apparently had, tingling as you looked as this boy, the feeling you could only feel when watching those hot two dimensional boys you see with your brother. 

what a handsome guy, you tell yourself, almost blushing as you gradually get lost into his blue eyes. and jesus take the wheel-freckles. 

if only he had an edgy back story behind him-this boy would be home packaged. 

"nice one new kid," he tells you smiling, making you see the gap on his teeth, somehow making him more pleasing to look at. "not everyone has the balls to stand up against cartman." 

you shake off the flusteredness mentally, deciding to do the right thing and face him like a normal human being-not like a jonas brothers fan. 

you simply nodded, giving him your thanks. "gotta warn you though, you shouldn't really have messed with cartman." 

you raised your brow, now intrigued by his statement. what more could cartman be hiding-what does that annoying fuck had in store?

"cartman's, how do i say this..?" he pauses, rubbing his chin in thought. "a brat?" you continued and he nodded. "yeah, a brat, the spoiled scary annoying one." he completes your statement.

well gosh, you even agreed on the same things-was he perhaps your soul mate? of course not-the only man to take this wheel would be roderick from diary of a wimpy kid and no one else can change your mind. 

you were married to him and no one could change your mind. not even yourself. 

"but unlike others, he's not all bark, cartman will do anything just to get what he wants." he adds, and it peaks your interest-another richard huh. 

but then again you actually cared for yout brother-so maybe there is a difference. 

you hummed either way, the similarities are far too many. "sounds like someone i know," kenny was about to ask who it was but you dismissed the thought immediately. "so he's basically kinda psychotic or something?" 

he thought of it for a bit but nodded either way, shrugging even. 

"yeah, something like that, i mean feeding your enemy their parents is right?" 

you scrunch your nose in disgust, "sick dude." you look at him in disbelief, "he didn't actually did that right?" 

he laughs, not giving you a direct answer, making you look at him in annoyance. but hey, you didn't tell him about your brother-so it was fair in a way. 

"cartman might be a bitch, but he's not all bark, he can bite too, you better be careful new kid." he warns you, planning to finally part ways. 

you snickered, "sounds kinky to me," he then laughs, "so you're into that kind of humor huh?" you shrug. 

"well i'm a very open minded person kinny. " 

"it's kenny," he sighs but smiles afterwards, "wanna go home together? i know cartman's route so i'll be able to help you avoid him." 

"sounds good to me," he started to place his hood back on. "you look better without the hood by the way." you mention, a compliment so smooth you will actually blush at it i fit was said to you. 

why were you so slick-

"mmmhmp," you couldn't understand him well as he tugged the strings of his hoodie tightly again but you assumed that it was a word of thanks. 

finally, your first official friend in south park. 

now this was a good beginning. 

* * *

you hummed as you listened to kenny's story, slowly getting used to his muffled words, amusement in your eyes as you tried to comprehend the stories he told. 

"so you're telling me cartman actually, legitimately fed that ninth grader his parents?" you ask in disbelief, a relief he told you the whole story, disgust because he did. 

"mmhmp!" he nods in conformation, making you look at him in disgust. 

what the hell was wrong with cartman-jesus christ, not even richard can do that. 

"ah fuck, i won't be able to eat chilli ever again." you groan, "thanks kinny." you say, sarcasm evident as you muttered the words.

you rub your gloved hands together, glaring at him playfully as he only laughed at you. 

"so what are your interests kinny, what things do you like?" you question and he hums, deep in thought, he continues like that for a minute until an idea somehow popped into his head. 

"kenny?" you ask him as he hastily zipped down his parka, bringing out something. 

was he gonna pull out a gun-tell you that he's in part of some kind of hidden society that only take edgy kids as their recruit so you could replace your groom-roderick-with him? 

of course not, that's some crazy fanfiction plot right there, there was no way this kid was some edgy dark man-he looked too kind for that kind of shit. 

"holy shit is that-" "mmhmp!" there in his hands was a magazine, not any kind of magazine, the thing that dad takes with him when he's lonely magazine. 

it was a porno, and holy shit it's been a while since you've seen one. 

this was like seeing mean girls again-the nostalgia, the memories. it wouldn't have been like this if only your father wasn't a loser who hid all his porno-selfish asshole. 

"oh my god, look at those titties!" not being to contain your excitement, you exclaim. nearing the boy as you held the magazine with him. 

you've always like boobs, and not in a perverted way, you admired the beauty that these milk bags add to the form of a woman. titties either big or small are forms of art. 

"mmhp!" he points out a busty brunette making you huff. of course as a genre of art, there were people-simpletons who didn't know what the true meaning of boobs were.

"those are too big dude, and the picture only shows the top view, the should've shot it in a front view, that would accentuate her figure more." you shook your head in disgust, your fingers now pointing towards a blonde. "now that's what i call godly, look at that angle, that fucking underboob dude!" 

"mmhmp?" he asks in confusion, surprised by your sudden enthusiasm. 

"yeah, the angle is just right! cleavages are overrated, even side boobs are better." you mutter, kenny thought about it for a second but agreed either way. 

"mhmp mmh!" he says, admiring your passion, as he should. 

"i guess we are boob connoisseurs," you nod, giving him a smirk, patting him on his back. 

"mmhp mmp?" he asks and you grin. 

"why i know so much about titties? i fell in love with them by reading my dad's porn mags with my brothers-they look nice okay and i kinda saw real tits before too." you shrugged, deciding to give him just a summary of the passion you've developed. 

"mmhmp!?" suddenly he shakes you in disbelief, your body wobbling due to the force. 

"woah calm down there bud," you managed to remove yourself from his grasp, "i saw my mom's, my aunt's." you answer. 

"mmhmp!?" 

"we took a bath together," his eyes were wide as you tell him, his imagination running wild because of the given information. 

"kenny?" you try to shake him out away from his day dream, successfully doing so after about a minute or two. 

"mmh, mmh mhm mhm!?" he held you by your shoulder his blue eyes staring at you intently. 

"how'd i do what now?" you asked again, not really getting his question. 

"mmhmp mmh." 

"oh taking a bath with them?" you paused, thinking whether you should tell him or not about your gender. 

wait, why shouldn't you tell your gender? that's the one thing you've been wanting to clarify since first period!

"ah that's easy, it's cause im a-" you were interrupt however as a satellite from the sky suddenly fell down on your friend. 

you just staring and watching in shock, jaws dropped open, as your friend got flattened by a satellite from the sky who just suddenly went like 'fuck it, let's ruin this moment' 

this was when you decided that south park was far from being just a quiet little mountain town in colorado.


	4. just a little gay won't hurt right?

"sugar, you have to wake up now." you hear your dad from outside of your room as he knocks, in hopes of waking you up.

however, his attempts were to no use as you didn't need them, you've been awake since yesterday after all.

you weren't able to sleep.

who would be? your first friend's death etched into your mind hunted you last night, you weren't even able to eat dinner because of that.

you thought that life had given you all the trauma it can offer, but no, apparently you still have to witness someone die.

just great, thank god.

you shivered at the thought, the memories of kenny's body being eaten by rats replaying, his mangled copse almost making you gag.

but that's not the only thing disturbing, the fact that after a few seconds of his death, people began going back to their normal lives, doing the things that they were doing before the shock.

it was as if kenny never died, it was as if kenny was never there

and despite how fucked this town was, you refuse to be like them. 

you mind wandered over to your dad, you couldn't possibly tell him about this, he's either gonna believe you and freak out or no believe you and send you back to your therapist. 

two things you didn't want to happen, yikes. better keep your mouth shut then. 

"hun?" he calls again, you reply to him just to let him know that you're awake. 

you trembled, forcing yourself to get up from bed, bringing out black clothes from your closet. 

it was the only thin you could do to mourn for your friend, heck, you didn't even know if the school knew! 

what if they started asking you about it? what the hell would you say? 'a satellite fell onto my friend?'

as if anybody would believe that!

"[name], can you hurry up a little sweetie?" you replied yes back, putting on your clothes faster.

guess you just have to wait and think about this in school.

* * *

"brah, yo' brah," as soon as you entered the school, lo' and behold eric cartman making your way towards you... in some sort of business suit?

he didn't give you anytime to speak, tugging you along with him, but alas' god decided to spare you a little bit of the bullshit as wendy made it to your way to stop his movements.

"what the hell do you think you're doing eric!?" you sighed in relief, "the new kid has told you he clearly didn't want anything to do with you!"

"sir," he looked at stan who was beside her, "could you please get your dawg out of mah way, me and this fine sir," he pointed towards you, "have a meeting to attend to."

you almost let out a groan, managing to compose yourself and give stan the moment to express his frustration.

"what the fuck cartman!" he shook his head, "wendy's not my dog!"he defended his girlfriend, shoving the fat boy.

"oh," cartman seemed unfazed as he turned back to wendy, "my apologies, i completely forgot who's the real dog in this relationship."

this earned a furious wendy and stan, and if you weren't so stressed right now, you'd be able to laugh along with them too.

too bad you were still not in the mood too as you were still mourning for your-

"mmhmp!" you hear a familiar muffle, shaking your head in disbelief.

this was so not the time for ghosts to be hunting you right now!

"what the fuck kinny, i thought that you were in my side!? don't side with stan and tetsabitch!" cartman exclaims making you look at them in shock, your optics wide as you saw your supposedly dead friend standing right in front of him. 

"mmhm mmhp!" he says once more, his voice scaring you and giving you relief at the same time, what the actual fuck was happening!? 

"yeah fatass, what the hell are you doing anyways, what the fuck do you want from the new kid!?" you didn't pay attention to kyle, as you just stared at kenny, who seemed to notice you making him wave towards your way. 

what the actual fuck. 

the mini gathering from earlier was stopped by the bell, things came out to you as a blur as you couldn't keep your mind away from the blonde, and without you realizing it was already lunch. 

you forced yourself to stand up, not wanting to stay in the classroom, making your way towards the cafeteria, forgetting about the stupid fat ass that won't leave you alone. 

luckily, before you could even enter his vision, you felt a skinny hand hold your arm, tugging you along with him. 

you were dazed the whole time, only noticing that you were outside now, not even knowing who brought you here. 

"mmhmp?" you then realized who it was making you back away from him. 

"mmhm?" he says your name in concern, asking you to reply, but even if you tried, you couldn't force your mouth to open and answer. 

he unzipped his parka, making you wince, seeing tbe same handsome face he has now in comparison to the dead one he had before. 

"[name]?" he says softly, getting closer. "hey, is everything ok-" "what the fuck..." you managed to mutter, holding his face for the feel of his body, trying to make sure he was indeed alive. 

kenny just stood there, cheeks red as you continued your inspection. 

this was a little too gay even if he was kenny, this was just a little too much, and he can't say he didn't mind it though. 

your soft hands on his skin was enough for him to survive this uncomfortable situation, it was a tad too much he would say as he could feel his blood rising to his face. 

and before something else could rise, he stopped your hand now holding it with his. 

he was however unable to speak as he stared into your eyes, who had tears threatening to spill from them, and he would say, that if you weren't a boy, he'd one hundred percent want to bang you. no boobs or with boobs just from the expression you are making. 

you were oddly cute for a guy, oddly innocent looking and oddly a bit feminine. 

he snapped out of his trance however as you trapped him between your arms, you lunging yourself towards him. 

"he-hey [name]?" sobs came out as reply to his call, hard cries and big tears coming out from you. 

he awkwardly stood there as he let his parka soak all your tears, his arms hesitantly making his way to rub your back, confusion still on his face. 

"you-your alive!" he manages to make out from you, making him raise his brow in confusion. 

"what do you mean?" he asked, making you look up at him, and he must say you looked very cute in his arms. 

"you-you died yesterday kenny, don't fuck with me!" you say furiously staring at him deeply. 

your statement shocked him, how could you-

"wha-you... you remembered!?" he says now gripping your shoulders, his eyes scanning yours for lies. 

but no, no lies to be found, you did indeed remember him dying yesterday. 

"yeah,why wouldn't i!? " you removed yourself from his gasp, rubbing your runny nose. "see i even tried to mourn for you!" you pointed out to your clothes. 

visible shock was seen on his face as he decided to contemplate whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. 

but one thing was for sure, someone finally remembered him, someone finally mourned for him, someone was worried of him. 

the joy in his body about to explode as he made his way to lunge at you, wanting to embrace you once more. 

what he didn't notice was a car, who was oddly enough driving towards his way almost running him over. 

if it wasn't for your and your lightning reflexes, tugging him towards you faster, holding him in your arms. 

"holy shit!" you shouted, still in shock, but frustration overwhelmed your trance. 

"what the fuck dude, you could've killed us!" you removed him from you, making him miss the body heat you offered, him smiling however as you made your way towards the car. 

"why the fuck would. you do that!? we're in school zone for fucks sake... what god asked you to drive here!? to hell with that, fuck god, i'm calling the cops mister... no im not letting you go asshole!" your conversation with the driver falling deaf into his ears as he couldn't help but think of the events that just happened. 

you not only managed to remember his death, but also was able to save him from death. 

it was like a two in one package, when the hell did he get so lucky? 

heck if you weren't a guy he'd be kissing you right now, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands of those plump lips. 

and even maybe just maybe he'd still want to kiss you, even if you were a guy. 

he'd know for sure that it'll feel hella good, guy or not, cause its you.

someone who made his heart throb, someone who made him feel special.


	5. detention mmkay?

"whew," you sighed watching as the car that almost ran into the both you left your vision. "i can't believe you took the money kenny, we could've sent him to jail." you shook your head.

"mmhmp mmh!" he says making you shrug. "i mean, i don't really need the money though, i have my own lunch." 

you look at him concerned, "how bout you do you have yours?" he shook his head. "why?" 

"mmhmp mmh." he explains making you realize. 

"oh," you nod, understanding his situation. "then you can have all of this ken." you hand the money that was used to bribe you guys to him, which he refused to take.

"mmhm mm!" he shook his head in refusal, "just take it dude, you need it more than me." 

"mmhm.. mhm?" he raised his brow, a bit dejected, "no of course not! i mean a part of me is pitying you but most of me is amazed on how strong you are to survive like that." you give him a smile, patting him on his shoulder. 

"not every poor kid tries hard to survive, you're very admirable ken." he blushed underneath his parka, the feeling he felt earlier returning. 

"mmhmp." you shook your head, "no need to thank me, i'm just helping a friend." you giggled now tugging him by his arm leading him towards the canteen. 

"now let's eat," you look back at him, "you still have to tell me the full story mr. immortal." he sweat dropped at your intense gaze, but nodded anyway.

having you as a friend was nice, he told himself, smiling at the thought to having you as something more than just a buddy. 

if only you were a girl.

* * *

"so what you're telling me is that you can die but you go back to life again?" you raised your brow asking for conformation, visibly confused. 

he nodded in reply, biting on his food, adjusting his parka a bit so he could talk. 

"yeah, i just die then suddenly i woke up the next day on my bed, everything normal!" 

"and no one but me remembers?" 

he thought for a while, "i think cartman remembered but he doesn't really care." 

"ah, i thought i was special" you shook your head in fake offense making him laugh, "how the fuck does that work though." 

he gulps down his food, finishing it, you went closer to him to wipe off the crumbs on his face, a habit you took from your father. 

the closeness between you two produced two results, one from you, being able to see the little freckles that dusted his face, and the other from kenny, being a red tint forming on his cheeks. 

he clears his throat, making you laugh awkwardly returning back to your seat. 

"sorry habit." you rub the back of you head in embarrassment. 

it was quite awkward for a second until he spoke again, "so uh, what were you tryna tell me before i died?" 

you blinked, "oh that," you started, hoping that you wouldn't be interrupted anymore this time. "i was gonna tell you i was a-" 

but of course you were, as the bell rung distracting the both pf you. 

you sighed shaking your head, "ah it's as if she's tryna do this to extend the story." you mumble looking at me- hey wait, don't fucking look at me, don't break the fourth wall! 

"what was that?" he asks once more, not catching your statement. 

"nothing," you groaned, "look ill tell you next time okay, let's just go to class." 

he adjusted his parka, hiding his face once more, "mmhmp." 

* * *

if only you could rid of that stupid parka hiding his handsome fa-"[surname], [surname]!" 

you woke up from your slumber, a man with glasses filling your vision as you blinked your eyes. 

the sleepless night kenny gave you yesterday came back biting you in the ass as you groaned exhausted. 

"[name], would you like to tell us about your little-be quiet you little shits!" he shouted at your classmates whose whispers filled the room. 

"oh im uh, so sorry mr. garrison," you say dazed, trying very had dot sound genuine. 

but it back fired as you saw your teacher fume, his face turning red. 

"mr.!? do i look like a mister to you!?" he points to himself, making you realize your great mistake. 

"oh i'm-" "oh i ain't hearing it from you, get your fucking ass now marching towards detention!" 

"bu-" "i said now!" you nodded, flinching at his loud voice, picking yourself up to head towards the door. 

you waved at kenny, who waved back, his blue eyes look at you with mild concern. 

'don't go looking like that at me, you're the reason why this is happening, then again you cant be blamed. ' you pouted, opening the door towards the detention room. 

"you just can't flip me off like that mmkay, i'm your teacher mmkay, craig listen to me mmkay." you heard him say, closing the door as you went towards one of the empty seats.

"oh what do we have here mmkay, if it isn't the new kid mmkay," he shifted his focus to you, preparing himself to scold you. 

"mmkay you listen to me mmkay, you can't just, you can't just go sleeping in class mmkay and mmkay assuming a person's gender mmkay." you furrowed your brow at his last statement. 

_'you're one to talk!'_

"now you behave here mmkay, don't go talking to craig here mmkay no talking in detention mmkay." you nodded, burying yourself into your arms groaning. 

the kid beside you seemed to notice this, making you look at him. 

as your eyes met his, he showed you his middle finger, flipping you off, making you raise your brow flipping him off as well. 

his emotionless face seemed to waver in slight amusement because of your reply. 

he was almost your type-so edgy...

as minutes passed, mr. mmkay was there sleeping as you tried to stay awake, looking at the clock in boredom. 

not until a paper landed on your desk, crumpled with a message inside. 

'wanna get out of here?' 

you look at the messy handwriting and back to the kid who threw it to you, nodding as you have nothing better to do. 

you watch him stand up, his eyes eyeing the key on the teacher's table. 

with a swift and careful movement, he was able to snatch it, now making his way towards the door. 

that was your queue, as you stood up preparing for your grand escape, following the kid named craig. 

you both were successful as you closed the door quietly, leaving mr. mackey alone. 

you sigh in relief, thankful that everything turned out great, turning your head towards the kid that helped you, wanting to thank him. 

"he-" "what the fuck are you doing out here [name]." startled you turn your head towards the voice where it came from. 

there was richard, hands on his hips, brow raised as he looked at you suspiciously. 

yup, you can never have anything nice can you? 


	6. assholes

"oh hey dick," you avoid his skeptical stare, your eyes shifting towards the floor.

"answer me you little shit, what are you doing here?" you gulp at his question, too nervous to make an excuse or to answer.

you were sweating nervously, afraid of what your brother will do if he knew that you were escaping detention.

he might snitch you think, and the things that your father might do if he knew scared you.

"[name] -" "we were asked to get things from the lab." a nasally voice saved you, making you look at your companion.

"huh?" "our teacher asked us to get equipment from the lab." "oh."

your brother says, obviously convinced by your classmates excused, you thank the gods for making him slightly dumber.

"tch, you better not be lying." he sneers.

"i'm not." craig confirms in his monotonous voice making you wince at the conversation happening.

you three just stare at each other for a minute, none of you knowing how to say goodbye or end the conversation.

it was a very awkward situation among socially awkward people.

it was suffocating, do not try at home.

"the fuck are you two staring at!?"

"we were waiting for you to leave, don't you have to go to the cr or something." craig says bluntly making your brother huff in embarrassment, making his way towards the restroom.

once he was gone, craig turned his head towards you, flipping you off.

you blinked, flipping him off back as a reflex, it was a silent conversation, but you two understood each other so you didn't mind.

the both of you made your way into the empty lab silent tension filling in the room.

it was a minute or so of just that, until you decided you couldn't handle it anymore making you clear your throat to speak.

"so, we're just gonna stay here?" you ask him, but yet again you were faced with a middle finger. 

you sighed at his reply, deciding not to bother him anymore. 

"well this is way better than detention i guess," you brought out your 3ds from your pocket, lowering the volume so that nobody could hear. 

as you played, you catch craig looking at your device, a bit of interest in his face. 

you were distracted by staring at him, your eyes scanning his golden orbs and handsome face. for someone so with so little expression, he did look quite charming. 

you turned back to your 3ds, noticing how you died from the a. i. 

you see him noticing that you've noticed him watching you play, making him quickly avert his gaze. 

you sighed handing over your device to him, a silent conversation starting, him nodding finally as he took the device. 

you watched him play, sucking at first, getting used to the controls, the silent atmosphere was now a bit more pleasant than the one you were experiencing earlier. 

"so that's your brother huh?" he says, finally talking, not looking up from your device. 

"yeah," you nod, "it was a good thing he's kinda dumb." 

"it runs in the family huh?" you only blink at his insult, not really having anything to defend your peers, all of you were really kinda dumb. 

"i guess so." he snorts. "you don't mind i called you dumb as well?" 

"well i mean, you were stating facts, how could i be mad?" your eyes went up meeting his, smiling a little. 

"weirdo." it wasn't an insult you were sure of it so you just laughed it off, him returning to the game. 

"you kinda suck at this." you say bluntly watching him die once more.

"it's my first time." 

"excuses," he flips you off making you laugh. 

he dies once more proving your point, you sighed deciding to end his misery, helping him with the controls. 

it was never said by any of you, but you were pretty sure you made a friend. 

* * *

"i think i lost my bag kenny," you sigh, looking at the pavement below you in frustration. 

"mmhp?" he asked cocking his head. 

"i left it on my seat before i was called in for detention, i just noticed it now but i think someone exchanged their bag to mine." you sighed. 

"see, it's the queef sisters now!" 

"mmhp mmp." 

"i know right! terrence and philip are way better than these two." you sigh. "ugh im gonna look so lame now." 

"what kind of asshole would take my bag?" 

then suddenly an idea came from kenny, the pieces forming together. 

"mmhmp!" 

"what now?" asked you because of his sudden out burst. 

he didn't care to explain as he brought you with him tugging you by your arm, brows furrowed in frustration.

you two walked away from for your house's location, not recognizing the place he brought you to. 

"kenny? hey where are you taking me?" "mmhmp mmh." he stopped, arriving at your destination. 

"cartman's?" you asked, him nodding in reply. 

he knocked on the door, a woman answering it. 

"mmhmp mmh." 

"oh you're looking for eric?" she asked in a sweet tone, making you wonder if she really was related to cartman. "well he's there in the backyard with his little friends, why don't you guys join him." 

you both nodded, you being a little shy as it was your first time coming here. 

"lo' and behold, the limited edition terrence and philip back pack." you couldn't see it but that was indeed eric's voice, followed by the voice of awes by a bunch of children. 

"gee eric, what a relic that back pack is, where'd ya' get it?" you recognize the voice as butters, confirming it as you entered his backyard. 

"well- oh if it isn't kinny, the butt fucking traitor and his new boyfriend." he halted his reply to butters, pointing at the both of you. 

"mmhmp mmhmp!" kenny exclaimed furious, you calming him down. 

"cartman, i think that's my bag you're holding." you say, earning a gasp from the others.

honestly, did they not notice it when you had the bag!? 

"huh, what the fuck are you talking about!?" he asked furiously. 

"im saying that is my bag cartman." you huff, confirming your ownership by the key chain hanging out from it. 

"you can't prove that!" he whines, holding the bag in his arms embracing it. 

"that's my key chain dude," you point out, "it has my name on it." 

"what!?" the others noticed especially kyle, "he's right, it's a mexico key chain, cartman wouldn't be able to get that one!" 

"why?" asked stan. 

"he hates minorities! he wouldn't be able to survive in mexico!" 

"... well i mean, you do have a point." the others now protest calling him a liar, realization hitting in. 

"ah fuck, you stupid jew, you ruined it!" 

"what why me!?" 

you sigh in relief thanking kenny for bringing you to your bag, a mini celebration happening between the two of you. 

until cartman interrupts it of course. 

"eric its time for your super kewl plan b!" you heard a transgender hand puppet say? "mitch! no mitch!" you hear cartman say dramatically as he tries to stop his hand from pulling a string beside him. 

what the actual fuck? 

your confusion was enough distraction for you not to notice the big rock that was about fall on you. 

however you were able to dodge it as kenny pushes you out of the way, him being crushed instead. 

"you killed kenny!" you hear stan say, "you bastards!" kyle continues. 

however, their statement and the screams of children falling deaf into your ears as you stared at your flattened friend. 

you could only watch in disgust as a bunch of rats took his body, removing it from the scene, just like last time. 

you sure do hope kenny would come back. 

he's the one one the only people that gives you a piece of mind in this chaotic town,

you just hope that he will really come back. 

you sighed holding your bag in your hand, watching as the kids come out from cartman's house.

a few minutes after kenny died, everything went back to normal, it was just like before, it was as if nothing really happened.

you did get your bag, but at what cost? 

"hey, your [name] right?" you hear a voice call you, you looked back to see the recognizable green hat firm before. 

you nod, a smile forming on his face. 

"wanna go hang out with us?" he pointed to him and stan, "cartman's gonna be grounded for a while so he won't be there don't worry." 

your thought about it, wondering if it was really okay to have fun after seeing kenny die. 

well there's no use mourning for him if he's gonna eventually come back right? 

hopefully. 

so you nod, accepting their invitation, following them to stan's house. 

"holy shit, you're good at this [name]!" kyle cheered, watching you reach their high score. 

"you're right dude, look at his fingers!" exclaimed stan from behind, watching you furiously mash your fingers to the buttons on the plastic guitar. 

you smile as you finished the level, sighing exhausted. 

"how'd you get so good new kid?" stan ask from beside you, handing you a glass of water. 

you accepted it, finishing it in one gulp. 

"ah, i played this game before with my brother." they gasped. "so you have this game as well?" 

"yeah, and also the other guitar. hero games," as they heard this, their eyes shone with interest, wanting to know more about your collection. 

you guys talked about video games while playing, your conversation lasting for three hours. 

"ah, it's getting late i better go home." you tell them noticing the time as well as the now dark sky. 

"aww," they whine, "i'll walk you home [name], we live beside each other right?" you nod, standing up with him. 

"sure," you look back to stan, "bye stan, let's play next time again." you tell him waving your hand. 

"yeah! let's play at your house next time [name]!" he says enthusiastically making you smile. 

as you and kyle comes out of the marsh residence, you couldn't help but stare at the said male. 

you weren't into redheads but kyle seemed to be an exception. 

he looked pretty cute, his ginger features suiting him very well. 

"so, how do you like south park so far?" he asks, breaking the silence between the two of you. 

you hummed giving it a thought, not knowing how to answer. 

south park was wild and weird compared to the last place you lived in, it was a small town, but it was chaotic. 

but it was still way better than living in the same place as that bitch. 

"eh," you started. "i guess it's okay, it's kinda weird though." you say honestly.

he laughed a little at your answer, "it is a weird place." he sighs. "but hey at least it's not boring." 

"yeah i guess so." you smile back. 

you both arrived near your house, finally parting ways. 

"well, see you tomorrow kyle." you waved. 

"you too [name], let's hang out more tomorrow!" you smile watching as he entered his house, glad that you were able to make new friends. 

this place wasn't so bad, you thought to yourself, at least you were actually able to make friends in this place, unlike before. 

"hey dumbass, what the fuck are you doing there?" your moment was broken once again by non other than your brother, making you groan. 

"fuck off richard." 

"who bit your balls?" he laughed at your irritation, "never mind that, i'm starving, come inside and cook, dad's going home late again." 

"fuck you, i'm not your maid." you say, but you eventually went inside, knowing that you didn't have a choice but to cook, since he didn't know how to. 

and you were in no mood to starve, even if he was supposed to be the one doing this because he was the oldest. 

you really hated the fact that only you can cook in this house. 

"can you make chili [name]?" 

"i'm nine, aren't you asking too much from me?" 

"that wasn't my question!" you groaned. 

"have i told you how much i hate you [name]?" 

"you remind me every day you exist dick," rolling your eyes as he stuck his tongue out to you. 

"good, now go away, you i don't't wanna be seen with you." 

"same here asshole," you made your way, distancing yourself away from him, proceeding to go to your locker. 

"hey [name]," kyle calls you, following him from behind was kenny, stan and cartman.

"oh if it isn't [name]," you hear cartman sneer, giving you a dirty look. "how's making out with kinny huh? has he given you his aids?" 

you only raised your brow in amusement, unfazed by his insult. 

"shut the fuck up fat ass!"

"mmmhmp mmh!" 

"wha- well i'm not surprised your siding with him kahll, you dirty jew." he glares at the red head. 

"kyle being jewish doesn't have anything to do with this you dick!" 

"you too stan!?" he groaned, "i can't believe i'm surrounded by butt fucking traitors." 

you watched in amusement as they gang up on cartman, smiling in realization you had friends to stand up from you, making you happy. 

south park was still no normal place, but it did have its charms, the friends you made was enough to replace the weirdness of the town. 

"butt fucking traitors who will butt fuck you anytime," you hear him mumble. 

"well that is the goal," you suddenly say making him look at you in disgust. 

"gay!" you guys laughed at his reaction, finally driving him away as he stomped in disgust. 

well maybe you did fit in south park very nicely, you were just as weird as the place,

maybe even weirder. 


	7. no, i can not have boners

"oh would you look at that, they're back together." kyle says staring with you from a far, observing the lovey dovey state stan and wendy was in.

"well weren't they always together?" you asked confused.

you've already completed your first week in south park, and you still couldn't get used to the place, it was just so weird, quite town they say.

you've seen weird shit in the span of seven days, from kenny's deaths to jesus literally appearing right before you and to satan adding you on facebook.

despite that, you were still in fact new and didn't know most of the people that lived here, only. being used to people such as kenny, kyle, stan cartman and the occasional appearances of craig and maybe even butters.

maybe guys weren't so bad after all, and if you were being honest, it looks like hanging out with them was better than hanging out with the girls.

"they broke up last week brah," cartman sighs dramatically. "if only stan could see how much of a hippie bitch his girlfriend is." he sighs.

you stared at him in confusion, he was one to talk, but you don't mention it. "wendy doesn't look that bad? she seems nice...?"

"mmhmp mmh... mmhp" "kenny's right, wendy does have her issues, but she's not as bad as how this fatass says she is."

"don't call me that you stupid jew!" they bickered again, something you got used to by hanging out with them for a week.

"you're the worst stan! im breaking up with you!" you snapped out from your thoughts as you observed the previous lovey dovey scene from before changed, replaced with wendy walking away from your friend, while he cries for her to stay.

"uh oh," you mutter, following your group to walk towards stan.

you didn't even blink-what the, how the fuck did that happen in a span of five minutes, weren't they just kissy faces each other earlier? that was some kind of speed running, they should have an encore for this.

"mmhmp?"

"hey, are you okay?" kyle asks softly, trying to comfort his best friend, however stan shoves his hands away from him, walking out still in tears.

"mmhmp, mmh." "he's gonna go all emo again." kyle sighs, "oh how i wished he would actually listen to me." kyle walks away from the three of you, dejected.

kenny loosens his hoddie, his parka no longer muffling his speech, "wow, what a way to start the day."

"you tell me about it kinny," cartman sighs, "this is why you shouldn't mess with hippie bitches and jews, you better learn from this [name]."

"i have no idea what's going on but okay." you shook your head, getting the things you needed from your locker.

it was as if south park wasn't dramatic enough on its own, it also had to have its own fair share of school drama, nonetheless coming from the elementary students, this place was indeed far from normal.

you just hoped that you wouldn't be a part of it.

* * *

"may i go number two mrs. garrison?" you ask the teacher raising your hand.

he raised his eyebrow, "you little retard just had to take a piss while i was discussing about kim," he sighs pinching his nose, "go along, make sure to hurry, you don't want to miss courtney's part."

you nodded, standing up heading towards the door, frowning as you went out of his sight.

"fuck the kardashian's," you stomped your way towards the restroom, your hand opening the door slowly.

as you were about to enter a cubicle, you hear sobs filling the room.

you tried to ignore them, but they kept getting louder.

"uh, hey can you um tone it down a bit?" you say annoy-being the good person that you are, concerned for another's well being.

"oh, uh, i'm sorry!" the voice squeaked, you recognize it, it was wendy.

wincing at your previous 'heartless' act, you decided to do something that would give you a piece of mind.

"uh are you okay?"

"yea-no i am not okay!" the sobbing went back, making you groan mentally.

"hey uh, don't cry okay...uh you can tell me about it...?" you say unsure.

"re-really!?" "ye-yeah.." you raised your brow at her sudden exclamation.

"wai-wait you aren't heidi aren't you?" she asks skeptical.

"no, uh im someone from another grade." "oh," she sighs in relief. "good thing you weren't that back stabbing bitch, so i guess its okay."

you laugh nervously at her statement, "so you see i had this boyfriend named stan, stanley marsh, he's such a jerk, he forgot about our anniversary. then when i asked him how he forgot about it, he told me what anniversary, the day the two of us came back together or the first time, he sh-" her rambling fell deaf to your ears, realizing just what you've gotten into.

she continued her uh, speech not stopping until you get to the point that the two-rather her wasn't even talking about stan anymore, and how much of a whore bebe was.

this girl confused you to know end, making you scared of your own kind.

"so what do you think?" she says, snapping you out form your thoughts.

"uh about your boyfriend problem?" you specified, not wanting to tackling the other subjects she discussed.

"yeah, you think im right right? stan is such an asshole, imagine not being able to remember our anniversary, he's such a good for nothing without me." you frowned at her words, not liking how she insulted your friend and how it reminded you of someone.

_"remember this harrison, you're nothing without me, nothing! no one will ever love you like i did, no one like me will be willing enough to stay in a loveless marriage with someone as pathetic as you!"_

"he shou-" "you're such a selfish bitch." you bluntly say making her gasp, you continued before she could retaliate, spitting out furry filled words.

"you don't deserve stan, stan is way better off without a manipulative bitch like you." you say before hastily making your way out of the cubicle, running towards the bathroom door before she could even get a hold of your identity.

as you ran towards the classroom, you only thought of one thing.

you'll never let stan experience what happened to your father, even if that meant going against someone like wendy.

* * *

"i don't think this is a gold idea cartman," you say shaking your head.

"it wasn't me who thought about this, it was kinny!" you looked at kenny, your brow raised.

"mmhmmp mmh!" he exclaims in defense.

"you can't lie to me cartman, only you would think of someone as stupid as this."

"don't call it stupid! its a genius plan, stan moves on from hippie butch while we get to see bewbs!" unexpectedly, kenny cheered making you groan in disappointment.

"i don't wanna see no fake saggy stripper tits, it's all wrinkly and weird." you mutter, kyle noticed your dejected form, now heading his way towards you.

"this might work [name], raisins wouldn't work on stan anymore so maybe actual strippers will." he pats your back, a small hesitant smile on his face.

"i thought you were supposed to be the smart one in the group kyle, i've never felt so disappointed and surprised at the same time."

"hey!" you ignore him, turning your attention towards stan, who was in a zombie like state, muttering the only word he could say right now, wendy, as he sulked.

and as you were right, he was really in the same situation as your father.

you wince remembering your father in this state once.

"hey-uh stan, you sure you're okay with this?" you ask him, tapping his shoulder gently.

he looked up to you, his tearful eyes meeting yours.

"we-wendy..." you sigh leaving him alone as he replied.

"ah, fuck it, let's just get this over with."

"are you sure you're of legal age, you kinda' look like a child." you hear cartman form above, sweating profusely as you held stan on your shoulders.

"quit your questionin', can't you see that my friend here needs some of that lovin'." you couldn't see it but you were sure that he pointed towards the two of you.

this was a stupid idea, why you went with it? you don't exactly know why, but you were sure you did it for stan.

you hear the bouncer sigh letting you in eventually, making you question how the fuck did you guys did that. 

how the hell was your stupid idea of making one man by carrying each to make one adult worked on an adult. 

are south park adults really this stupid? then would that mean that your father is stupid too? 

well he was already stupid before he came here. 

"kewl, let's get you some lovin' buddy, to the v.i.p rooms we go." you hear cartman order, "we just gotta go forward, right, right then straight ahead alright buddy?" 

you followed his directions, your fused man whatever with stan walking wobbly towards it. 

you barely made it, as the door closed you collapsed, almost dropping stan in the process. 

you removed him from your shoulder, settling him down on one of the couches. 

"ah fuck you're too heavy dude." you whine massaging your shoulder, "where the hell are the others." 

"wendy..." he mutters lifelessly his eyes dull. 

you had enough of what he was doing, this was really getting annoying, so you slapped him. 

"ow dude what the fuck!?" he exclaims holding his cheek. 

"so you're just gonna let her do that to you huh?" you tell him, eyebrows furrowed. "you're gonna let her hurt you and you're still gonna chase after her? what's so special about her anyways?" you asked in fury. 

he shook his head, "you don't understand dude, wendy, she's my everything!" he defended. 

"wha-you have us stan! me, kyle, cartman and kenny, we're all here for you asshole!" you huff, shaking your head.

"but i guess we're never going to be enough huh. even with everything and every trouble you put us through when you're there crying about someone else that's apparently more important than us, you'll never get to appreciate us huh." you say silently, stan watching you in concern. 

this was really just like dad before- 

"just like how you never appreciate who you truly are...even going as far to tell me that you're nothing without her."

_' just like how dad never realized that we were still there for her, that he didn't need that poor excuse of a wife and a mother. '_

you were right, stan told himself, reflecting on his actions from the past. he cringed, guilt filling himself as he realizes that he hasn't been fair to you guys, never listening to your advises. 

so instead of lashing out and try to prove that you are wrong, he reaches out to you, wanting to comfort you as you really looked like you were about to cry. 

"he-" "hey what the hell are two children,"but suddenly the touching moment to happen was interrupted as a stripper enters the room, making you two gasp.

"ah shit-," you put your previous angst aside, holding stan's hand in yours as you rushed your way out.

you were able to make it out of the door but was held by the bouncers from before. 

"aight you little shits, you two are gonna have to come with us." they brought you to the rest of your friends.

"i told you this was a bad idea," you shook your head as you told kyle, who just huffed in response.

"at least we got to see bewbs right kinny?" he asked a dazed kenny, who looked like as if he was high. "mmhmp."

"even you kenny, i expected more from you," you shook your head. "you're telling me your shlong didn't come alive with all this titties." 

"i can't have boners i'm a-" cutting you of was stan, who finally talked. 

"hey, i'm sorry you guys." you hear stan say, "i'm always troubling you guys when stuff happens with me and wendy and i'm really sorry about it."

you sigh in relief mentally, glad that your words actually reached him, deciding to forgive him now. 

and it seemed like kyle thought of the same thing too as you watch his mouth twitch upwards from your peripherals. 

you and kyle looked at each other now smiling at stan, "It's okay, you weren't a bother to us at all, what friends are for."

"you guys are still in trouble you know," the bouncer says. "you five are probably go-" "oh fuck!" he was then interrupted as suddenly a big woman with a rather huge bum trips then falls onto kenny, her ass crushing and killing him in the process.

what a way to die-

"oh shit bootay!" "oops." 

"oh my god you killed kenny!" stan yells. "you bastards!" kyle says afterwards. 

you really can't have a normal day here in south park. 


	8. spawn of cthullu

"...you flipped a teacher again?" you ask silently, minding your volume not wanting to wake up the sleeping guidance counselor.

craig shook his head, "i got caught skipping detention..."

"oh the one before?" "no, the one earlier."

"why though?" he shrugs, "i flipped a teacher."

you giggle, his actions amusing you. craig was weird, his willingness to not stan out makes him more interesting in some way.

not that you minded of course, it just made hanging out with him more enjoyable.

and by hanging out, that means whenever the two of you meet in detention.

you just learned the existence of the team stan and the team craig, you apparently being in team stan.

and that meant avoiding 'craig and those guys', the assholes according to stan.

you beg to differ however, even if you are closer with stan and the gang, you could clearly see who the real assholes were.

"how about you?" you chuckle nervously at his question, scratching the back of your head.

"ah, i..." you sigh, "i was caught inside the girl's restroom...?"

he looks at you in disbelief, you wanting to explain it further but not knowing how to tell him that you indeed had the rights to go inside the girls cr.

kenny already died when you tried to do that earlier, you didn't want to try it anymore, scared that someone else might face kenny's fate.

"..." he eyes you in disgust, you shivering, not liking his gaze. "i-it's not my fault! i have the rights to because i-" you were interrupted yet again, and out of fright you pray.

hoping that no one will die this time.

but no, luckily nobody dies this time, the fire alarm being the one to interrupt you.

not even given the chance to react properly, craig pulls you by your arm, bringing you along with him.

"crai-" "just follow me perv." your jaw drops at what he calls you, frowning cursing him mentally.

you guys rush towards the exit, blending in with the sea of people who was doing the same thing.

as you both reached the exit, you pant, exhausted and tired at the sudden run you took, not noticing the three boys headed your way.

"c-cra-craig! holy shit dude you ma-made it!" someone stutters, making you shift your attention towards them.

craig simply flipped them off, you observing the new people that accompanied you.

there stood the person that talked before, a twitching blonde with disheveled clothes, a brunette and a black kid in a purple sweater.

"oh you must be... [name]?" the african american kid asks, you nod in reply.

"i-i-im tw-ohthisissomuchpressure!" the blonde started twitching more, craig patting his back gently to calm him down.

you watch in amusement, a smile forming on your lips as you saw craig's gesture.

"he's name is tweek," token answers for you, now pointing at the brunette. "and that's-" "i'm clyde." clyde glares at you and you raise your brow.

token nudges him, "hey what's that for!" "don't look at him like that! he did nothing wrong to us!"

clyde shakes him head, pointing a finger at you still glaring . "his friends with the assholes!"

"doesn't mean he is one," craig bluntly says, you smile at his attempt to defend you. "he's just dumb, not a jerk at all." you quickly retract your smile back, flipping him off with hin replying the same way with a small smile.

"still," clyde huffs in defiance. "i'm never trusting a member of team stan!"

* * *

"holy shit [name] you're the best!" throwing his controller to the side, clyde stands up shaking your shoulder. "did you see that!?" he points at the television screen. "we won!"

you pat his back awkwardly, giving him a small smile.

"ha ha!" clyde removes himself from you, much to your relief. "we win! you lose!" he points at token and craig making them groan.

token simply shakes his head, "that was unfair, craig you actually suck." craig simply gives him the middle finger, rolling his eyes.

"ah-ah-cra...craig does-doesn't su-suck! [name] wa-was just to-too good!" tweek exclaims in defense, making token sigh. "well i guess so-clyde stop laughing you totally got carried hard!"

clyde blows him a raspberry, dancing around the losers, you laugh in amusement shaking your head.

"argh!" token grunts, taking the space beside you, shoving clyde off. "rematch! this time its me and [name] vs you and craig!"

clyde gasps, shaking his head. "no, no you aren't taking my partner!"

"you just want to be carried!"

"how about i play with [name]?"

"gu-gu-gah!thisissomuchoressure!"

you giggle at the scene in front of you, smiling fondly at their argument.

well isn't this chaotic? compared to the other events that you've experienced in the past, no. but that was the good thing about this day.

just a normal day with you hanging out with your friends-kenny's death was still counted as normal since it happens almost every day.

you could say that this was the least chaotic day you've ever had here in south park.

you really hoped that nothing could ruin it.

* * *

"so what you're saying is that my son passed out after he was caught burning down hot topic, with him doing it by using powers he somewhat got from cthullu?" your father reiterates and you groan.

you were here staring at the floor in boredom, that dick really had to mess it all up, your normal day now over.

you had a lot of questions in your mind, how the fuck did he even manage to borrow cthullu's powers, why is cthullu real-isn't he a work of fiction, what the fuck is happening in this pla-

"yes, and he wasn't the only one that was caught burning it down, he appears to be accompanied by four emo kids." the police says, suddenly you hear your brother gasp, a bit glad that he finally gained consciousness.

"th-" "richard!? are you okay!?" your father asks in concern, rushing towards the side of the hospital bed.

your brother coughs weakly, gazing at the officer tiredly, pointing his finger towards him slowly.

"me?" the officer comes closer, and the suddenly, your brother pounces on him, small tentacles coming out from his mouth, frightening both you and your father.

"̼͕͙̾̈́͠w͓͔͕̓̕̚e̞̙̞͌̈́̓'̝̙̘͛͆r̟͕͇̿̐̈́e̺̻̝͛͒̚ n͍͇̝̔̈́̒o͓͉͍͌͐t͚̝͉͒͛ e͓̪͓͊͑͝m͎͇̞͑͝͝ö̡̢͍́̔̕s͍̪͚̒͐ y͔͍̘͌̽͘o̺̙̾̒͐͜u̠͕͕͑͆̚ c̡͕͎͌̾͝o̡͕̦̽̿͝n̢͕̘͋͘f̙̻̙͛̽͋o̦̙͍͛̽r͙̠͕̔̓m̼͙̐i̺̻͖͒͛s͖̘̓̓͝t̡̢̡̒͐ c͎͉̒͛̕ o͓̼̝̓͌̚p̘͓͖͛̈́,̟͓͓͊̽͆ ẅ͓̙́̕e͎̝͓̾̐̚'̻͍͓̔͋̿r̢̢͎͛͆͆e̢͔̐̽͛͜ g͔̟͍̿̔͝o̻̘̼̐̈́͝t̢͇̻̔͊ḧ̝͓̙́̿͘s͍͕̺͆͘̚!͎͉͉̓̒̓"͎͇͇͐͑͠


	9. insert funny hell joke here

"so this is a goth, the coolest amongst the alt ones. the real non conformist of the bunch." richard states, pointing his finger towards the picture of four kids on the white board.

"right... so what differentiates them from the other alt people-" "they're cooler and are not posers, they're the real deal." your father shakes his head. "how am i supposed to know that?"

"... they're the only ones who smoke." your father gasps, "so you-we're you smoking!?"

you groan watching them argue, cringing as your eyes meet the dismantled body of the police officer from earlier.

"guys, guys! for fucks sake stop arguing!" you yell, pulling them away from each other. "who the hell cares whether what type of edge lord you are, in the end you're just an emo looking fuck."you shook your head.

"... are we supposed to be talking about something else? there's nothing more important to discuss than this topic. "your father says, looking at you in concern,"you have any concerns sweetie?"

you pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration, "conce-how about we talk about the rotting fucking corpse in like the middle of the room!"

both of them looks at the dead police officer, shrugging afterwards. "the nurses said that they'll be the one to take care of that so-" "wha-so we're just gonna pretend that richard didn't just kill that man!?"

you father sighs, nodding. "of course, we wouldn't be able to do anything about it anymore sweetie. that's just how life is, people come and go, especially if you're not one of the main cast."

you scratch your head groaning, stress fueling you, resisting to throw a tantrum.

why are they weirder than before, they weren't as dumb as this before you guys moved in here.

nothing else happened than the divorce before you came here-did that actually fuck them up that bad.

and are you also going to change to the likes of them-these fucking weirdoes.

"the energy and aura that south park emits is what changed your father and brother." you all hear an unfamiliar voice say, looking frantically from where its coming from.

"im here, outside the window." you both look towards the said location, gasping at the person who appeared.

"mo-morgan freeman!"

whilst, the other idiots marvel at the celebrity, you however was unamused.

"wai-what the fuck are you doing here now." you shook your head in disbelief. "you can't just appear every time there's some weird bs to explain."

he however counters your statement. "yes i can-my 'unbelievable situation is about to happen that needs some explaining' tingles and brings me towards the nearest bullshit."

he gives you a tiny smile making you more frustrated. "besides everytime i do so, i earn a freckle." he points towards his face, the two idiots beside you marveling.

you however had the opposite reaction, stomping your foot on the ground angrily.

"why the fuck are you guys so weird!"

* * *

"butters don't you find this town a little odd?" you ask the sweet boy beside you, hoping to find some peace of mind.

you decided not to hangout with your friends today, noticing that they were one of the reasons bizarre events happen to you-just kidding, kenny died so you felt like it was weird to hangout with them right now.

besides they were totally fine with it right?

well that's what you knew, not noticing the burning glares of eric cartman, muttering traitor beneath his breath.

"well, i this town is a lil' odd but i don’t see anything wrong bout it, it's like its little charm ya'know..." he answers.

charm? you thought to yourself, more like a curse. a normal person would be able to tell that the weird shit happening in this town is not at all cutesy and wholesome.

it's a curse, a literal fucking curse.

"something troubling you buddy?" he asks you in concern, you cooing mentally because of how cute he looked while doing so.

"nothing much, just kinda peachy." you say reassuring him, patting his back afterwards. you stand up from your seat, informing he that you'll be going to the restroom.

he nodded, smiling at you sweetly.

this town maybe far from cute but at least it had someone like butters.

as you walked your way towards the restroom, you began to think and reflect about your opinion on this town.

it was okay, you liked that it was small but it's bizarreness is too much for you.

it was very unpredictable and that's what it made it scary, the events that happen here are far from normal.

"hey, are you related to that richard kid?" you hear a voice from your right asked, shocking you slightly at her sudden appearance.

there walking with you-without you even noticing before-was an older girl? never mind those details, the only thing important is that she was

an emo!

"hey answer me you conformist prick-" she brings out a cigarette holder-oh she was goth.

well at least richard actually taught you something.

you nod, still wary but not wary enough as you noticed the bottle coming towards your head late-

late enough that it was actually successful on knocking you out.

henrietta blow the smoke out, sighing. "hey you pricks, help me carry this conformist bitch."

* * *

_"where the fuck am I-" you groan holding your throbbing head, looking at your surroundings._

_there was lava everywhere, the hot air it emits making you sweaty._

_"what the-did i die!?" you shake your head, looking around you. "you're in hell girl," a voice booms from behind you, scaring you as soon as you faced where it came from._

_"wha-" "don't look at me like that." that red large beast rolls his eyes. "it's not the worse place in the world, we have wifi here."_

_"what even-" "mmmhmp mmh!" a familiar voice calls-it's "kenny!" you call him as soon as you notice his orange parka._

_you rush towards him hiding behind him, cowering slightly._

_"oh you know her kenny dear? mind introducing me, i don't want her looking at me like that."_

_kenny loosens his parka, probably because he was sweating like hell-_

_get it cause you guys are in hell, haha im so funny._

_you literally forgot how hot-haha funny- this boy was underneath that thick cloth._

_"he's satan, ruler of hell, hella gay and a bit cooler than jesus and god." he explains, pointing towards the red beast._

_satan simply smiles, "he's right about that." he winks at the both of you._

_as much as you wanted to laugh along with them, you were scared as fuck, are you dead? will you never be able to come back? will you never be able to see your family again?_

_"what are you doing here [name]? did you..." kenny gasps. "did you die!?"_

_you look at him shaking your head slowly, "i don't know...i just remember talking with this goth girl... "_

_"your girlfriend's not dead." satan says placing his phone down. "she's like in limbo or something, but somehow she's here."_

_kenny looks at him, raising his brow. "girlfriend? he's a guy!" he exclaims pointing at you._

_you gulp nervously as satan eyes you, trembling upon his gaze. "he's a girl. it's in her facebook account."_

_"wha-"kenny looks at you in disbelief. "is that true!?"_

_as you were about to answer, a bright light began to envelope you and your vision, taking you along with it as it made it's way above._

"fu-wha!" you blink, your eyes meeting the floor.

"where the-ouch!" you groan, your arms aching, the ropes rubbing against your skin.

ropes!?

"oh good she's awake..."

what the hell is going on!? 


	10. better love story than twilight

"so... you guys have any plans on telling me what i-mmhmp!" you scream as they muffle your words again by bringing back the gag to your mouth.

you've been here for two hours or so, doing nothing but they've done nothing but play stupid goth music and blow smoke on your face.

are they planning to kill you slowly by giving you lung cancer? heck, even hell is better than this.

it has wifi and satan is like really hot-cool.

but what frustrates you to no end is the fact that they won't tell you why the fuck they decided to knock you out with a bottle, you were sure however that your stupid brother is somewhat involved.

i mean who's dumb enough to mess with the goths? only richard right?

"uh, my cigarette's about to run out, when will those old hags arrive?" the one with the dyed hair say, flipping his hair in annoyance.

you really didn't like them but at least they had cool hair.

"they said a few more hours or so, something about traffic?" henrietta answers-you know this because out of all the names you've heard before in their conversations that's the only feminine one-not to be sexist or anything.

"well it's not like we have the spawn yet, it's just the bait that we have right now." the tallest shakes his head.

so it did had something to do with richard and his weird powers-why couldn't he just stay as a normal sixth grader.

"ugh, why did that stupid sixth grader get the powers-that is so not goth." they complain, and you raise your eyebrow.

"pete, this is your fault for letting him join." they blame, causing a rift between them, "wha-he was so goth though, he even knew how to dance like goth, don't blame me."

"bu-" suddenly the door breaks down, falling to the ground, revealing your bro-no that's a kid your age in a purple cape!

and an underwear outside-he must be a superhero!

why the fuck are there superheroes here?

"we meet again goth kids." he says in a voice that would make bruce wayne cower in shame. "let her go."

he knew about your gender-he noticed it! he's not an idiot-you're safe!

"oh its just mysterion," he did have a stupid name, but a for effort. "that fourthie who pretends like a superhero at night?" so he is in your grade-who could that be.

"well we can't have anyone messing with our plans," henrietta says, "shoot him."

then to your surprise-they did! the bullet piercing through your saviors chest, blood spilling everywhere.

"at least we've ended his suffering."

you watched in horror as his body drops down, the fear in your eyes so evident.

what the actual fuck.

what the fuck is happening.

are you gonna meet the same fate as him-why did he even arrive-was it just for the sake of the plot!?

who the hell was he!?

how can these children kill someone so easily-are all goths like this!?

where is your-"hey guys, sorry im late." you perked up, hearing a familiar voice say and you were right-it was finally your stupid brother who arrived!

and in crocs! (idk why i added that seemed funny lol)

"[name]-what the hell!? "he says finally noticing you, you glare at him, wishing that you weren't bounded by the rope so you could flip him off.

"you fell for the trap," pete shakes his head, "so not goth."

"you guys-dude i'm gonna get scolded, my dad's gonna be so mad." richard explains and you roll your eyes. "let her go, come on guys."

"mmhp mmh!" you complained but was still muffled by the stupid gag. "only if you take her place."

he stares at them blankly, "wha-why?"

"we're gonna offer you back to cthullu so we can get the powers back, someone like you clearly don't deserve it."

"wha-"

"you've become a conformist richard," you groan, utterly done with their bullshit. "so not goth."

"you guys-" richard huffs in frustration, "how dare you c̸̢̠͓̈́͑͘ä̵͉̙̻́͆͘l̵̺̫͐͊̚l̴̡͔̘͛̓͘ m̵̼͕̼̐̕e̸̡͍͓͆̓̈́ a̸͕͎̿̾͜͝ c̸̢̠̼͌̚͘o̸̡̠͆͊n̸͍͙͛͆̾f̴̢͓͘̚ö̴̪͎̫́̕r̵͎̝̘͊̽m̵͚̫͑͜͝i̵̘̦̺͋͋s̴̢̺̙̈́̈́ẗ̵̢̢́͛͐!̸̞͔̻͑͊"

richard then transforms to his state before-the tentacles he grew growing once more.

"ah, at least we die in the hands of cthullu."

"spawn of him-still not goth enough."

as richard throws his tantrums of some sort-and you panic, you were still bounded after all-the flying debris scaring you.

"mmhmp mmh!"

"i̴̢̠̓̽͋ a̴̘͚̻̓̕m̵̘͖̿͝͝ s̴̝̻͎͊̒͠o̵̻͚̠͘͝͝ f̸͔̙̙̿̕͠u̴͓̠̿̚͜c̵̟̘̠̿͘͘k̸͕͔͒͒̓i̸̢̙͔̒͠n̸̢͙͕͑͌̈́g̸͎͕͇̒͠͝ g̴̢̙̠̓̒͠ö̵̪͍̺́͠t̴̢̠͎̔͆͘ḧ̸͉͖́̐̚͜!̴̫͖͓̚̚" richard screams, laughing loudly after he breaks the basement-wait whose house was this?

you're so gonna get in trouble.

at least you won't get scolded if your dead-wait that's not a good thing, you still have to live in order to witness nintendo eventually adding steve in smash bros. 

fuck death-

you still try your best to get rid of the ropes whilst havoc happened, the screams of the others making you panic more.

however you seemed to be late as a flying debris nears you more, the proximity of it to your face scaring you.

this was the end huh? you at least pray one last time, praying that you'd be in hell instead.

because there's wifi there.

but it seemed like no prayers would be fulfilled today as you feel yourself being lifted from the ground, you still tied but at least not as hopeless anymore.

"mmhmp!" it was mysterion! mysterion saved you!

but didn't he die...?

is that his super power or something...?

who the hell dies and resurrects afterwards-is he jesus or something?

speaking of jesus-you see a holy light suddenly appear from the sky, the holy being calming the people.

"my brothers and sisters-" you didn't listen to his speech, knowing that its all about praising the lord and believing in him to het rid of all of this.

you instead focus on your hero, staring at his blue eyes, mesmerized by their color.

your heart beating hard as you both gaze at each other intently, you suddenly hyper aware of his features, not noticing the weird shit happening behind you. 

a. k. a, the people of south park singing kumbaya hand in hand as they watch jesus purify the shit out of your brother. 

"being the damsel in distress doesn't suit you [name]," he chuckles, "but seeing you in my arms suits you perfectly." you blush, cheeks flushed.

richard went to normal, his cthullu form gone. the town finally calmed down as they finished the last line of the song, the villain is finally slayed.

if jack and rose had my heart will go on as their theme song, at least you and mysterion had kumbaya playing in the background, 

along with jesus and the spawn of cthullu too.

* * *

you couldn't sleep that night, there was too much thoughts in your head. the events earlier still leaving you in after shock. 

surprisingly, your father wasn't that mad, in fact he was happy to see the both of you safe. 

richard was now confined in hell pass once more and was grounded too so this day wasn't that bad after all. 

especially that mysterion scene, your heart beating loudly as you thought of him, his bright blue eyes keeping you awake. 

you blushed as you remember yourself being cradled in his arms-the scene embedded inside your head. 

that's it! you had a crush! 

your first crush here in south park. 

mysterion the mysterious hero that saved your life-the immortal hero taht cradled you in his arms. 

goodbye roderick-why settle for a fictional emo wannabe when you can have a kid your age in an edgy costume looking like a batman bootleg-sounding like one too. 

what a fucking package. 

you squeal as you thought of it, the blush still in your cheeks as his face ran through your head. 

but who was he? how did he know your name? was he in your class? 

he's your age that's for sure-but who? 

it can-"how are you." "fuck!" you exclaim in shock as you hear a voice ask, almost falling from your bed. 

you turned around and saw the same boy you were thinking of, clad in his stupid costume-which oddly suited him. 

how dreamy. 

"mys-msyterion!" you squeaked, your embarrassment amusing him. 

"are you alright?" he asks once more, moving closer towards you now. you shuffled a bit in your bed, making sure he had space to sit on. 

you give him a shy nod, trying to distract yourself from his presence, hoping to lessen the blush on your cheeks. 

he holds your hand that was on top of your blanket, caressing it gently. 

"i'm glad you're safe." you see his mouth twitch upwards. "y-you too." you stuttered, the pounding on your chest increasing. 

"were you scared?" you nod at his question truthfully. 

though you were usually brave, the events earlier was enough to spook you and get rid of your confidence. 

it's not everytime that a fourth grader like you gets to experience the exorcism of their brother-

"don't be..." he pauses, "i'll always be here, i'll always protect you."

your skin was so far from your natural skin color, it being flushed with red as he muttered those words. 

you were so close to exploding-and you couldn't even talk even if you had questions you wanted to ask him. 

"ah-mysterion!" you managed to say after a whole minute of silence as he started walking away. "wh-who are you?" 

he looks back at you, giving you a small smile. 

"i am your hero." 


	11. boyfriend material?

"hey, be my boyfriend. "

"uh-i." you shuffled nervously, "wh-wha?" you blink baffled, looking at the girl in front of you, her arms crossed on her chest looking at you- annoyed?

wasn't she asking you to be her-

"i said, be my boyfriend." she says, much more confident than before.

you could feel the atmosphere around you changing, the time slows down and-it's so

fucking awkward that you wished that you died by that debris from last chapter.

but you met mysterion after so you wished that bootay sat on you instead of kenny.

speaking of him-what happened to him after you left hell, well he's with you know-but you two haven't exactly talked about the things that happened there-

especially about your gender.

but hey-that doesn't matter now because along with your physical body you wish that along with it to perish are your memories-sentimentally wrong but fuck it.

who wants to remember the weird shit that has happened to you even after death.

but of course that wish wouldn't be fulfilled because you haven't collected all eight dragon bowls-or whatever that mr. kim from shitty/city wok told you-

or was it that one from the sushi store.

you honestly couldn't remember.

maybe it was both-the two of them seemed to be far from sane people-as expected of a south park citizen.

"hey-are you-" "look [name] is getting a confession." shouts cartman, making you more nervous.

this was already awkward enough-no need to add-"silence means yes...?" tension.

you shook your head, "uh-you see i ca-can't?" you say nervously, gulping as you see her glare at you.

wait-who was she even!? you're not an asshole by the way-she never really introduced herself. suddenly just pulling you away form your peace and silence and demanding for you to be her lover...?

"why not?" she inquiries, her eyes glaring deep into your skull. "ah-" "are you saying you're gonna reject and embarrass a poor girl like me?" she points to herself.

"in front of them?" she asks, making you look at the growing audience, adding more pressure to yourself.

"ah-i." "holy shit dude, just fuck already!" "fatass don't say that!"

"ah-" "what, answe-" "mmhmp mmh!" suddenly kenny comes in, his voice muffled so you couldn't understand.

"wha-what's kenny doing!?"

"huh?" you both turn around to look at him, "i said," he says, adjusting his parka. "she-" he couldn't even say his first word, a struck of lightning suddenly zapping him, electrocution him to death.

the children scream-and stan and kyle says their catchphrase, you just standing there in deep thought.

why the fuck would there be a lighting in the middle of a sunny fucking afternoon?

maybe the author just ran out of ideas lol.

but you didn't just bully me-inside your head, you also thought of the pronoun he used.

she- was it meant for you or for her?

did kenny actually know about your gender-you wished you could confirm.

but in the mean time, you've got another problem that you need to solve.

"the-then, that's a yes right?" she suddenly says, making you blink.

the crowd stopped the commotion, shutting their mouths as if kenny didn't just die right in front of them.

what the actual fuck.

you felt tye eyes of many on you, you gulping as you stared at her.

"a-" "then i'll call you babe okay!?" she hugs you tightly before you could even answer, the audience going wild.

seems like you were too late to solve this-it's already evolved to a much bigger problem.

a problem that you really didn't want to deal with right now.

"babe say ah." she cooed, and you followed as she glares because of your hesitance.

"ah,"you opened your mouth awkwardly, coughing as she shoves it a bit too hard.

you were now hanging out with your new girlfriend...

...

...

you don't know her name actually.

and you didn't wan to know and you wanted to escape form this situation so bad-you didn't want a girlfriend nor a boyfriend-

you had mysterion!

well you didn't exactly know who he was but you were sure that your heart throbbed for him-especially that night when you-"ha, look how red [name] is, having fun with your girlfriend huh [name]." stan says, his arms on your shoulder.

you shiver-but not because of him but because of the glaring eyes of wendy tetsaburg.

what's her problem? well kyle did warned you about her-wait did she-

did she figure out that you called her a bitch in the restroom one time-

she was acting really bitchy that time though-but you kinda regret saying that too her.

kyle did tell you not to mess with her-and judging by that glare, it wasn't just a warning.

"hey wendy," your girlfriend cooed, her arms holding yours, making you shiver as she ran her fingers on your skin. "having fun with your new boyfriend huh bebe?"

bebe... that's her name?

well at least you knew her name now-the situation still bad however as the battle of deadly stares began.

"ah..." "sure i am," bebe smirk, flipping her blonde hair, the strands hitting your face making you annoyed.

why the hell did you get involved in this-

you've been hanging out with jesus a lot, why can't god still make the world love you-you're bffs with his son ffs.

" i'm having so much fun with my boyfriend-which have i mentioned is way better than yours." she giggles and you tremble-not only from her and wendy, but from stan as well-

what the heck was going on!?

"oh bebe st-" "what, you afraid my boyfriend is far superior than yours?" she taunts and you hake your head, wanting to speak but was interrupted by stan.

"oh it's on-ill prove you wendy that i am the better boyfriend." he gives you a competitive look, which you tried to avoid awkwardly.

you tried to think really-it wasn't as easy as you think being in this kind of situation.

* * *

girls are scary... and also stan.

"dude, i'm telling you, no hard feelings to whoever loses okay?"

if you could pounce and punch stanley marsh, you would've done so for the past five minutes-

but because he's your friend-you try harder, even if he's really pissing you off.

why he's making you mad?

two reasons-one bringing you in this situation, and two for getting back together with tetsabitch.

which was still a bitch you could confirm, nothing really changed from your previous meeting-except she's oddly kind to you...?

is this some trick...?

well the both of them aren't exactly good people-well at least together, they were better if they weren't together.

stan's attachment will just hurt him in the end while wendy has some control issue thing?

ah, feminism.

you shrug mentally-groaning as you realized that you've been spending your time thinking about other's relationship-you're not doctor phil.

you wished you are, but too bad you're not.

if stan wants to stay with her and not listen to you, then fine.

you can't stop him. as your dad said, stubborn people should be left alone to reflect on their actions-that is if you tried helping them once and they refuse to listen.

but then again, his situation makes the statement filled with hypocrisy as you and your brother worked to no end just to open the eyes of your stupid father.

"babe!" bebe chimes from the living room.

this however is not far from the situation from the two, but was still significantly different.

you were stuck in a relationship that's not good for you, the only difference is that you don't like bebe, no feelings for her at all.

but you didn't know how to end this because girls are scary-

with you as an exception of course.

you force your legs to sit with them, gulping as you noticed the audience.

can't these people mind their own business, don't they have better stuff to do?

"butters go get their bets."

"alright eric!" guess not.

cartman notices you, grinning. "ah [name] my fella." you shook your head at the obvious malice in his voice. "cartman, what the hell is this."

he glares at you, "you don't wanna be in my bad side right now [name], i suggest you mind your words." he whispers and you only raise your brow.

what the hell is with cartman and his business tone-he sounds so stupidly intimidating.

you roll your eyes, "let's just get this over with...so just three of mortal combat-wait what does that have to do with being the best boyfriend?"

they shrug, "stop being a killjoy, just beat stan's ass already."

"shut up fatass!" stan shouts as he sat down beside wendy, controller in hand.

"you're going down [name]." you give him a blank stare,

you were utterly done with this bullshit.

* * *

"ho-how!?" you stare at the screen, yawning, exhausted. the disbelief in stan's voice bringing nothing but joy to your ears.

"i told you so marsh! [name]'ll definitely beat your ass."

you weren't good at the game in all honesty-it's just that stan kinda sucked ass,

more like always distracted you could say?

half the match he just flirted with wendy-well at least he wins at being the best boyfriend?

It's not that bebe minded though, she was quite happy with how you're beating stan right now-even more when she sees wendy's face slowly losing its amusement.

you stood up, stretching. "i'll go ahead and get water." they nod.

you head towards stan's kitchen, looking for a glass when suddenly a hand held your arm.

"holy-kyle???" you ask, but he doesn't answer, staring at the ground.

"hey you okay?" you ask again in concern, placing your hand on his shoulder gently.

he opened his mouth hesitantly, "can you lose the next two matches." he says, and you look at him, cocking your head. "why?"

"if stan loses this match-" he sighs, "i don't think his pride can take it-wendy will obviously break up with him again and i'm afraid he'll hang out with the goth kids again."

"huh?" you look at him confused but he doesn't seem to have the will to elaborate further, holding your hands to his making you blush slightly.

"please [name]." he pleas and you cooed in your head. "for stan."

kyle really is the mom of the group, how cute.

you grin at him, patting his head. "alright i will, it's not like i care about my relationship with bebe anyway." you shrug.

he smiles at you, thankful for your decision.

"thanks man." he says, but he still doesn't look that happy, worry in his eyes.

he was still bothered about stan.

"you know, sometime in the future stan will thank you for all of this." you pause looking at him. "doesn't seem to be soon 'cuz he's absolutely still into wendy but the point is-"

"he's really luck to have you as a friend kyle." you laugh as he blushes in embarrassment, his face red like his hair.

"a-ah, thanks." he says bashfully, giggles erupting from you as you observed him.

the both of you went back to the living room, and as planned you purposely lost the next two games, the smile of victory on stan's face.

"babe i did it!" stan shouts in glee, throwing himself at wendy. "congratulations stan."

you watch, liking the happy look on stan's face.

maybe wendy isn't that bad-at least she makes stan feel like this.

you met your eyes with hers, you decided to give her a tiny smile, cocking your head in confusion as she suddenly avoids your eyes.

and of course not everyone is as happy as the two.

"yo-you!" bebe points at you glaring. "you suck!"

"i'm breaking up with you." she says and you roll your eyes.

it wasn't as if you wanted to be with her in the first place.

"i can't believe wendy like you."

huh?


	12. mr. steal ur gurl

"dude if looks could kill, you'd be six feet under." clyde nudges you, laughing a little as you groan in reply.

two days, two days you've been spending your lunch with group of assholes b because stan from group of assholes a apparently doesn't like you very much.

why? everyone knows why, don't ask me re read the chapter before this.

lmao joke, stan's mad at you because apparently stole his girlfriend-seduce according to eric.

but what the fuck though, it wasn't your fault! you could care less on what wendy tetsabitch thinks about you-you hate her.

and your distaste for her is not only from the bathroom event thing whatever, it's because she's the one who got you involved in this shit.

well it was bebe, but she told you that it's because wendy's pissing her off so she figured out dating her crush would make her get back at her...

or some teenage television show what shit plot.

that's it-you were mad at both of them! no scratch that-you were upset at the girls!

well you're a girl too but hey-south park says otherwise.

they've been making this worse by shipping you with wendy.

and it was sooooooooooooooooo annoying.

well at least wendy is attractive, so it wasn't that bad.

but it is-in a way.

wherever you go-wherever you shit, they're always there, cooing on how cute you and wendy are even if you two are like three feet away form each other.

it was the worst thing ever-and of course it continues here in the canteen.

"look at wendy dude-she's eyeing you like a hawk." token snorts, you flip them off, scratching your hair in annoyance.

tweek gulps at your gesture, concerned at the amount of force you had on your fingers. you might hurt yourself!

"it-it'snotthatbad!?" tweek exclaims, his twitching hand moving towards to try and stop yours from hurting your scalp.

he was such a sweetheart.

"stop complaining about it, it's annoying." craig blatantly says, biting his burger flipping you off after,

you raise your middle finger at him, rolling your eyes.

"why don't we switch places." you grunt. "why don't you be the one being forcefully paired with someone you don't like."

the four stare at each other, a silent conversation happening and you weren't a part obviously.

craig shrugs. "it's not that bad, right tweek?"

you blink, not knowing what he meant, but having the idea made you look at them in disbelief.

"wai-" "who do you like anyways, wendy is like one of the most attractive girl here, why are you so choosy." clyde interrupts you, throwing a fry, it landing on your hair. 

you removed it from your head, chucking it in the trash can beside you. 

"that's non of your business." you huff. 

they smirk in mischief, the intent of teasing you about your crush obvious. 

"who-" "hi [name]," as they were about to inquire you about your crush, a girl-who you remembered as red, taps your shoulder from behind.

"uh...?" you turn your head towards her, however you couldn't focus on her as the sequels of her friends over powered her voice. 

"girls, shut up." you hear bebe say-your ex girlfriend. 

you really couldn't comprehend how they can brush of it that easily but hey at least that's done. 

you just have to deal with wendy now-

plus the rest of your shippers? what the hell even is that. 

"ehem," red clears her throat. "as i was saying, i heard you asked wendy out." you blink at her statement, trying to understand. 

"... uh what?" you ask. 

"i said, you're going to take wendy out later huh?" she repeats-and so does your brain but still couldn't comprehend what was happening. 

unknown to you is the increase in audience, eavesdropping. 

well you wouldn't really call it that as it seemed like making everyone hear this was intentional. 

you just stare at red in confusion, she shakes her head and brings out a letter. 

"this." red says, handing it to you.

you unfold the paper, reading its contents. 

"will you give me the honor of taking you out at dawn-wait dawn? isn't that like early morning?" you ask, clyde shrugs. 

"dawn sounds romantic so why not." 

"... that's dumb." 

"it's for love it's acceptable." 

"stop chitchatting," red interrupts taking the letter once more. "now mind telling me where you're bringing my girl friend?" 

"the letter is not even from me!" you exclaim, "wha-it can't be-it's obviously from you!" she defends. 

you take the letter from her pointing at the end. "it says 'love leopold stoch' at the bottom!" 

red re checks the letter, and it is indeed there. 

"oh so that's what the love letter was for eric." you hear butters say and before you could even confront cartman about it red holds you by your shoulder, forcing you to look at her. 

you shiver, she looked like bebe, "you will go out and give wendy the best date ever." she says, you couldn't do anything but nod. 

"great!" she giggles coming back towards her group like nothing happened, your soul slowly returning to your body. 

peer pressure plus girls yikes. 

* * *

"looking slick [name]!" token snicker as he watched you forcefully head your way towards wendy's house. 

"shut the fuck up." you say bitterly, glaring at the roses in you hand, so tempted to throw them away. 

your friends just snort, "if you hate it so much, why buy roses then?" 

you grunt, "i didn't buy them, someone left it on my doorstep earlier with a note saying 'if you don't bring this consider your social life gone.'" you shiver, sighing afterwards as they just laughed at you, shakily ringing the doorbell. 

the door opened and there revealed wendy, a blush on her cheeks as she patted her dress, straightening it. 

she tucked her hair on her ear and she waves shyly." hi [name]."

you cringe internally at the scene. it wasn't as if she didn't look good-it was far from that, you could clearly see why stan likes her, but she's not your type okay-

what you like are kids you age in a dumb disguise wearing underpants on top of their pants-and that's that. 

"hey, uh wendy." you clear your throat, awkwardly handing her the flowers. 

"... for me?" she says surprised, you nod making her take it. 

she sniffs them, sighing in delight. "thanks [name]." she giggles. 

well at least one of you is enjoying this. 

"no problem ha ha." you laughed nervously shivering, feeling someone giving you a nasty glare behind you. 

"oh, are you cold?" she asks in concern, you shake your head, assuring her that it was okay. 

unknown to you as the two of you chatted were a pair of eyes staring at you with ill intent, his hatred and jealousy obvious as she intertwines her hand in yours. 

"why you snake." raven-stan mumbles, clenching his fists until it turned white. 

"come on marsh, we have a date to sabotage."

"our day is just getting started." 

"but eric, it's afternoon!" 

"shut up butters." 


	13. buy one take one

"oh so you can cook?" wendy asks, fiddling with her dress. 

it has been thirty minutes since your date has started, and you wouldn't say you weren't enjoying it. 

wendy was fun to talk to... in a way. she was smart, her mindset was far more mature than your other classmates. 

it was as if you could relate to her in a sense. 

you however observed that she is indeed a bit controlling and manipulative, but i guess everyone has their flaws. 

but at least you could assure that she was way better than your mom. 

so it wasn't entirely wendy's fault that her and stan's relationship is shitty you conclude. 

speaking of stan, you wonder how he was feeling, you really want to comfort him, he's your friend after all. but a part of you doesn't want to deal with his pride and ego right now. 

poor stan, you thought to yourself, you'd gladly give up your place if you could. 

"you're so mature [name]." wendy shyly says and you look at her. 

you scratch the back of your neck, "well i wouldn't say mature- i think i just have an idea of what's normal and what isn't." 

she giggles and you smile, it was a nice feeling seeing someone in glee. 

i guess you could say this was your break-after all you've been dealing with weird stuff for the past few weeks. 

what a riot of a town. 

you sigh in relief-soon to be broken as you see a speeding car heading towards your way. 

lucky for you, you were still in the gutter, but not so for wendy as she was the one leading the way. 

out of reflex, you tugged her arm hard, pulling her to you just before the car could hit her. 

"youlittle...shits!stop fucking on the road!" the driver shouts and you could assume it was the resident drunk of south park.

who the hell gave him the keys. 

you wanted to shout at him but he was long gone, his car away from your sight.

sighing in frustration, you turn your eyes towards wendy, who's now-erm enjoying her time nestled against your chest. 

"uh, wendy?" you call out, she looks up to you with a blush. 

"you okay?" you ask in concern, she blinks, her cheeks flushed pulling away from you. 

she nods silently, but you see her hands trembling. 

she must've been scared. 

so you held her hands in yours, rubbing it gently. "it's okay now see," you smile softly. "i'm here for you."

her cheeks erupts into a darker shade of red, she nods furiously afterwards. 

well this was amusing, you told yourself, you could say that you were having fun too. 

however that wasn't the case for a little marsh here, groaning in disappointment. 

"uh oh" butter says, he attempted to pat his friend's back but he shoved it away, pointing at cartman. 

"what the fuck fat ass! i thought we were going to sabotage a date! not kill my girlfriend!" he grunts in anger. "and you made it worst! she's likes him more now!" 

cartman laughs nervously, "i didn't know yer dad was that drunk bruh, he went sanic speed!" 

stan groans, "what the fuck is wrong with you!"he says in frustration. 

"chill bruh, let's get in to the next plan bruh." 

* * *

your next stop was starks pond, the sun setting in the background giving the pond a better lighting, making it prettier. 

though with wendy, you are quite happy, you wonder. 

what if mystsrion was the man with you right now? what if, he h*ld hands with you as you watch the sun go down. 

you blush at the thought and wendy notices it, not knowing that it wasn't for her, she smiles. 

"the sun setting never fails to amaze me." you say, "i guess south park isn't that bad after all." 

she nods, as she was about to speak, she was cut of as a ball of snow hits her head. 

"ah-did you?" she blinks, turning around to look at you. 

"what?" you ask, confused. 

"did you just throw snow at me?" she asks, you shake your head. 

you however, crouched, gathering snow in your hands, throwing it at her. 

"now i did." you sprint, laughing as she yells your name giggling afterwards. 

she chases you, throwing snow balls at you, while you do the same to her. 

who knew that a snowball fight would be a fun way to spend time with your date. 

not everyone is as happy though as stan scratched his head in frustration. 

"who the hell thought that snowballs would be a good way to sabotage a date-that's romantic!" he eyes the two of you in jealousy. 

butters raises his hands meekly, "i did." 

"why!?" 

"well you see fellas, the plan was to hit wendy with snow until she falls on the pond, but i guess [name] was too slick that he's able to turn it around." he giggles, "what a smart fella." 

"wait, what do you mean wendy?" stan inquires. 

"uhh didn't you say eric, t'was weny who we're-wait eric?" they looked around to see cartman gone, the only thing left on his place was a bag of cheesy poofs. "oh, i don't think i was supposed to say that..." 

"fat aaaaaaaaaaaass!" stan shouts, his screams deaf to the ears of those who were having fun. 

* * *

"are you sure we should eat here? those goth kids are here-i don't think it's safe." wendy mutters, fiddling with your sweater. 

after the snowball fight, you gave her your jacket, a nice gesture which you've learn from your father because you aren't an asshole. 

"my brother said they had good food and coffee, and the goth kids won't bother us." you assure her, patting her back. 

"okay, if you say so." she says entering the store with you. 

from a far, there stood stan with his disguise, though it was hard, he managed to snag a uniform of his own, his plan to act as one of the servers starting. 

his plan was simple, he will humiliate you by spilling water on you by accident, you will totally look uncool, lame in front of his girlfriend. 

this was morally wrong-but hey, nothing is wrong in the name of love they say. 

he grinned in mischief as the two of you settled down on your seats, him heading his way towards your table, with a glass of water in hand. 

this would be simple, fast and the best way to make you look lame- everything was under control. 

until you stood up, and then he tripped, and without him knowing, he was falling. 

luckily his face didn't meet the floor, unlucky on what his lips met instead. 

they were yours. 

"stan?" 

fuck.


	14. but what if we hugged, jk... unless

"you're being a weight to the team stan-you can't even hit the ball!" you hear the older marsh groan, watching in concern as he scolded your friend, a tiny blush on your face when you see him about to meet your eyes. 

thankfully, you avoided it, successfully turning your head around just about when he was to face you. 

what happened yesterday-was something. 

it can be described in a lot of ways, but the best description would be embarrassing-and that had a lot of reasons why it was too. 

first of all he kissed you, second of all he kissed you in front of wendy while you two were on your date and third, he kissed you without him knowing what's your real gender. 

well the last one didn't make you feel embarrassed, it made you feel guilty. 

stan must've been confused as fuck right now, he must've been questioning a lot of things-and you sure hope that that kiss didn't give as much impact to him to the point he was going to question his sexuality. 

you felt bad-wanting to tell him that everything was fine, that it was an accident and that he didn't have to be confused because you were a girl. 

if stan was going to be or feel gay, you didn't want it to be because of you, you wanted him to discover it by himself-the thought of you being the cause, made you feel sick. 

it feels force, violating and you felt guilty. 

the least you could do for him was to tell him about your gender, but you were scared now that you thought about it. 

how will they react? will they not hang out with you anymore? will they view you as how they view most of the girls? 

well how about the girls? they'll be so mad when they learn they've been shipping one of their own to another girl-hell how would wendy feel? 

she clearly likes you and you appreciate that but-would she get mad? 

and even if you did want to tell them-you couldn't. 

what will happen to kenny, can you even tell them about it-will he die, will he disappear if you did? 

you were aware of what was happening-your attempts in mentioning the truth made bad things happened and it scared you-and that's not including what would've happened if you did manage to spill the beans. 

it was too much pressure-and you weren't even tweak. 

"eyes on the ball [surname!]." you hear coach marsh shout from a far, missing the ball as you were lost in your thoughts. 

"you suck just as much as stan!" he yells, scolding you, bringing out his alcohol container from his chest pocket. "how the fuck are we gonna beat north park!?" he groans walking out. 

you rubbed the back of your head sheepishly, your teammates approaching you as your coach disappeared. 

"your head's up in the clouds huh [name]?" clyde asks, leaning on his bat to look slick. "it's alright [name], I wouldn't blame you, baseball is so boring." he pats your shoulder with one hand. 

you laugh nervously a silence after because you really didn't give a reply. 

token and clyde look at each other, and you were sure they had a debate on who was to talk first. 

and it appears that token lost. 

"sooo," he coughs nervously. "how was your date with wendy?" 

well of course they would ask that, you knew they would-can't say you were prepared however. 

you feel your cheeks turn red as you thought of the kiss-yes you did have a nice date with wendy-and you acted so slick that you wanted to experience a date from yourself as well. 

but hey, you were a fourth grader little girl, so a kiss with a boy made the most impact on you. 

even if it indeed ruin your date-congrats stan-and made things so awkward you couldn't even bid wendy goodbye as you walked her home. 

"[name] stop day dreaming about it, spill the uh tea?" token says and you raise your brow at his last statement. 

"just heard the girls saying that word, wanted to try it." he shrugs off the judging eyes of you and clyde. 

"never mind that." he brushes it off, "stop beating around the bush." 

"you sound like an old man." 

"hey!" 

you laugh a little, amused as you watch them argue, somehow a little negative thought of are you going to be able to hangout with them again after they learn about the truth visits your mind. 

and yikes did it make your heart throb as you thought of never being able to. do this again with them. 

"come on dude, just tell us." you shake your head, not in the mood. 

"what's wrong [name], did you do something super embarrassing?" clyde whispers, "did you two h*ld hands!?" 

"did you just say asterisk out loud?" you raise your brow. 

"gotta censor it somehow-hey stop changing the topic." he shakes his head. "come on-wait are you shy because stan is here? it's okay dude, he wouldn't know." 

well he did hit the mark, you did want to talk about it because stan was there, but it was totally for a different reason. 

"right kenny? you wouldn't tell marsh?" as he mentions the name, you turn around in shock, seeing as kenny was indeed there. 

just standing, his head leaning on his arms on top of his bat, eyeing you making you uncomfortable. 

"oh, kenny was here." you mutter and made the raise their eyebrows. 

"he's been there for four minutes-I thought you would've noticed." 

you didn't mind token's comment, looking at kenny, laughing nervously as you gave an awkward wave. 

it was as if you almost forgot he existed-

"[name] and wendy huh?" he mentions and you shuffle nervously as token and clyde replied for you. 

you knew he knew that you're a girl-how would he react? 

"cool." he says, coming closer towards you. 

"they're so good for each other, better than stan and wendy." clyde mentions, "it's also a good thing that bebe isn't interested in you anymore." he mutters. 

token snickers, "you just don't want [name] as a competition, he's obviously beaten you by a mile." clyde whines. 

"it's not my fault i'm attractive," you jokingly say, shaking your head, the two snort at your confidence, glad to see you finally playing along. 

"yeah you sure are." the laughter turned into an awkward silence as kenny spoke, the three of you looking at him blankly. 

what the hell-"no homo," he laughs at your reaction, placing an arm around your shoulder. 

the two laugh it off calling him gay, but you had a different response. 

you feel yourself blushing at the compliment-not knowing if he meant it the way you think he did or not. 

you notice kenny about to speak once more, however was cut off by mr. marsh, calling your attention for practice. 

"stop foolin' around kids, practice resumes!" he shouts from a far and the four of you groan. 

* * *

you never knew thinking would be more tiring than baseball-but hey, this day proved you wrong. 

"finally practice is over-baseball is so boring dude." clyde groans from your side, and you couldn't agree more. 

you shouldn't be here actually-this was a boys practice-girls aren't supposed to be here. 

but hey, anything is better than going home to richard and here new emo girlfriend. 

oh yeah-richard doesn't like goths anymore apparently, you still didn't get the difference, but hey whatever. 

you notice kenny coming closer, and your immediate response was to stray away from the awkwardness. 

luckily you were saved by stan-"hey can we talk?" 

you perk up, your mind having a debate whether to go with stan or face the awkwardness kenny brought along-not being able to decide however as stan pulled you away. 

you wanted to protest but you couldn't, letting stan bring you outside at the back of the bleachers. 

"sta-" "i'm sorry." stan mutters, his gaze avoiding yours. 

you look at him in shock, baffled that he was the one to say it first.

"kyle talked me through it and i just realized how wrong it was for me to hate you just because wendy likes you..." you notice him grip his knuckle. "i'm sorry bro, my jealousy got ahead of me." 

you stare at him, glad to see him apologizing. 

you place your hand on his shoulder, patting him. 

"it's okay dude, it's kinda my fault too, i should've said something before losing to pressure that easily." you smile at him, "and besides, even if i did have fun with wendy , don't worry, i don't like her that way." you give him a hug, enveloping him in your arms. 

you were relieved to have this drama come to an end, hoping that the other one would end to-hoping that you would finally be able to tell them the truth. 

unknown to you however was the blushing stan, his face red for reasons he didn't know, his stomach churning because of your touch. 

and before he knew it-"stan... did you just puke?" 

"..."


	15. yeah, haha girls suck...

"say what now?" you repeat as you received his message unclear, looking at stan in confusion.

"the girls hates us again-everyone is breaking up." he groans. "i haven't even asked wendy for a come back and this starts." he mutters, though a part of him new that they wouldn't be needing that as he looked at you.

you bit your sandwich, "i still don't get it." you threw the rest of it at cartman, kyle scolding you as you did so.

cartman eats in one gulp, rolling his eyes after. "what's there not to get, the girls are bitching again, simple as that." he threw the wrapper back at you, but you dodge, making kenny take the shot.

kenny muffled a curse and you threw him a peace sign and a cheeky smile, it turning to a blush however as you see him mouth, _'no problem cutie.'_

you shiver in silent embarrassment.

the past week was not normal at all-well no day is normal in south park, but last week had more drama.

it kinda makes you miss the bizarre happenings in town, at least that was fun.

you and stan managed to go back to your friendship before, even making your bond stronger, however not as strong as what he has with kyle.

now that you thought about it, you don't really have someone you're close to.

you just hang around with the boys-well either of the two asshole groups and occasionally butters, but you didn't really have a best friend.

your relationship with kenny was advancing but things just got awkward after that visit to hell-heck you two didn't even have a proper talk yet.

and you kinda liked it that way. no people that you are really close to, no loyalty means you could hangout with whoever you wanted-and having the boys was enough.

girls here are scary, the past events proved you that. you never encountered such force of fourth grader girls until now.

you had a lot of girl friends back where you came from, you weren't really the i only hang out with boys kinda gal, but you'd rather be that than hangout with these uh creeps?

at least wendy is kinda chill, but you wanted a friend, not a girlfriend or some drama.

"what caused the fight though?" you suddenly ask.

"yeah, why are we not in good terms with. the girls again?" kyle adds, well at least you're not the only one confused.

"well apparently." somehow clyde appears from behind you, leaning his arm on your head, making you groan at the sudden weight. "some guy from our class broke one of their friend's heart after ditching her on a date."

you blink, "..." it couldn't be you right? you treated wendy well, you even walked her home

you were a chad while you were with here, your big pp energy radiated in that date-there was no way she was dissatisfied. 

"...i'm talking about kenny." clyde laughs at your expression, you hiss at him in annoyance.

"mmhp mmh?" kenny points to himself and clyde nods. "with red, i heard you suddenly disappeared while you two were hanging out." clyde shrugs. "kinda shallow if you ask me."

kyle nods, "maybe there's something more to it," he turns to stan. "do you want to investigate?"

stan sighs, "anything to get my girlfriend back." he slumps his shoulder with a bothered sigh, giving you a side glance afterwards.

you look at him confused, giving him an awkward thumbs up and you swore you saw a red tint on his face, maybe it was just hot?

but it's colorado for fucks sake, so maybe it was just cold.

"ugh, girls kinda suck." you barely hear his muffled statement but it made you shudder.

you felt kinda insulted?

well not really insulted, you knew that the insult wasn't for you but you still couldn't get rid of the strange feeling bubbling inside.

"tell me 'bout it, those bitches know nothing but just to bitch around and act like spoiled little sluts." cartman snorts. "you wouldn't catch me hanging around one."

you wince at his statement, "same." you hear most of your friends agree and you could feel a cold sweat drip on your forehead.

wow, what a way to make your situation easier.

* * *

you sigh, you shoulders slumped as you walked down the road towards your house, feeling down because of what happened at lunch.

_"you wouldn't catch me hanging around one."_

you shudder as cartman's statement repeats through your head.

you normally wouldn't pay much attention to what that asshole says, but this one hits the mark.

and it doesn't help that your friends agreed with him too.

will they actually not hangout with you anymore if they knew about your gender? will you actually lose your friends?

but that's just the first part, what about the girls, what would they think of you? some lying whore who pretends to be a guy just to have every dude fawning over her?

... that's what you saw in the television, and with your situation, it might not be just a show anymore.

as you drift away form your thoughts, you didn't notice a car heading towards your way, barely dodging it as it passed by.

"wh-fuck you, you almost killed me you-argh!" you stomp in annoyance, the stress building up as the world throws you it's pile of dog shit drama.

but maybe it's not so mean after all.

"you okay?" a familiar voice suddenly asks, and you turn around immediately to look for it's source.

but to no avail, you only saw a snow white road.

"i'm here." you look up, and force once, you were glad that you were right.

clad in his dreamy costume and his white underwear, there stood on top of the roof, mysterion.

you blush, watching him in awe as he made his way down of the building he was on top on, not noticing how he almost fell because of your dazed trance.

to other's he might just be your dumb fourthie role player-super hero wannabe.

but to you, he was your mysterious hero, so edgy and interesting. just like how you want your boys.

"let's talk here." you didn't even feel him take your hand in his as he brings you into an alleyway, you nose having developed some kind of resistance to the pungent smell that the pile of garbage beside you is emitting.

"were you hurt?" he asks gently, you becoming hyper aware of his gentle touches of concern.

"hey?" he asks once again as you didn't answer, only staring at him.

you swore this boy hand the best. eyes, and before they could get lost in them further, you blink.

"ah-!... sorry." you blush in embarrassment, you must've looked so weird. "i-i'm fine." you tucked a strand of your hair behind you ear.

you hear him sigh, and he pats your head. "good, but you have to be more careful." you look up to him. "something was on your mind while you were crossing earlier, do you have any problems?"

you blush at his concern, his kindness making you fall further.

"you could tell me anything." he added.

you probably shouldn't bother him with your problems, but the comfort he emits in his eyes draws you in along with the gentle voice of his.

for a fourth grader, you sure are romantic.

"well." you start in hesitation. "what if i want to tell my friends something," you clear your throat. "about the truth about something that i didn't exactly lie about..."

"bu-but it might cause us our friendship so i couldn't really tell them about it..."

he just stares at you and you groan in embarrassment.

what a way to waste his time-

"i should've probably gathered the balls, ah, never mind you don't have to-" you wave off but he catches your finger with his.

"no it's fine." he whispers gently, rubbing your index softly.

"so that's what's troubling you huh?" he looks at you, and you nod, the red tint on your cheeks growing.

"then you should tell them the truth." he says and you blink, but before you could even answer back, he continues.

"if they are your real friends, i'm sure they wouldn't leave you for something like that." he gives you a gentle smile. "i'm sure they'd hang out with you whether you're a boy or not [name]."

you froze as he says his last statement, you could only stare at him in awe as he kisses your forehead, running away immediately afterwards.

"good luck [name]! don't be afraid, i'm always here for you!" you here him from a far, your eyes on him as he drifted away.

you didn't move, well you did actually. slowly, you lifted your hand towards your forehead, as if to relieve the feeling of his lips.

as you left the alleyway in baffled, the blood rushed towards your face, your cheeks instantly warming.

not being able to think properly, you rushed your way home, thanking god for bringing you an angel and possibly giving you the best afternoon of your life.

you opened the door in glee, excited to just roll in your bed, prepared to watch every romcom that you have.

it was a time of-"oh, the sister is here." suddenly you snapped out of your trance.

you eyes faced with an edgy kid and a brit one beside him, you blink, your eyes going downwards, meeting a pentagon-

"oh hello madam." the blonde one greets and you just nod at him, your previous mood of love turning to ones of worry and confusion.

"oh you're here." you brother says, coming from the kitchen, holding six candles in hand.

"wha-what-" "we're trying to contact cthullu, he caused some imbalance in the underground by giving me some of its powers."

you really really hated richard.

"bu-but why!?" you exclaim in disbelief, "why the fuck would you do this?" you shake your head. "didn't you like your powers?" 

he looks at you baffled. "if it was something cooler, i would be, but no it gave me fucking tentacles." 

"it's cthullu what the fuck were you expecting?" you question, not really wanting an answer, you made your way towards him to snatch the candles he was carrying. 

"you aren't doing this-not in this house-not in our home." you huff as he struggled, the two of you battling for it. 

"i can't do it outside! people would think that i'm a weirdo!" he counters and you raise your brow at him. "are you stupid!? people already think that you're a creep!" 

as the two of you argued, the sideburns kid and the brit kid has already placed their own knick kancks on the pentagram, lighting it one by one with their powers. 

"ugh, stop arguing." you hear the _vampire kid_ looking ass say, you confused as you see them successfully plant the candles-where the hell did those come from? 

"wha-you had your own!?" your brother exclaims, breaking away from you. "i had to search for like everywhere for these!" 

"we were trying to tell you but you wouldn't listen." the brit kid mutters sheepishly, suddenly pushing your brother in the middle of the ritual thingy-

as he stayed on the center of the star, the kid with the black hair started muttering weird shit-something you'll only hear after watching the mummy or something, making the pentagon glow in bright purple. 

you stared im shock and awe as your brother's hand slowly transforms into one's similar of cthullu's, him almost turning to a tentacle humanoid-

"holy shit richard!" you shout-but your words were nothing as a screeching noise from your brother leaves his mouth, his eyes glowing the same color as the pentagram as he levitated off of it. 

"what the hell is happening!?" you ask the blonde kid in panic, the worry in your eyes evident. 

he shrugs, "i'm sorry but i am uncertain as well. let's just trust damien on this one okay?" he softly says, and you appreciate it but you couldn't bring yourself to trust the said guy. 

suddenly, the screams of horror stops and your brother falls from his levitated form from before, dropping with a thud as his body landed on the ground. 

"richard!" you rush towards him in concern, kneeling beside his knocked out body in worry. 

you checked his face, his body, nothing seemed to be physically hurt and that made you sigh in relief, hugging him after your inspection. 

the touching moment was soon interrupted as the kid named damien pushes you aside and suddenly your vision turns black, the image of a person that looked like kanye west the last thing you've seen.

what the actual fuck. 


	16. uh

dad, why do we have to go to the church again?" you groan, giving your dress a tight grip.

you spent last friday cleaning richard's shit and guess what, you get to spend your sunday doing the same thing. 

you were supposed to day dream about mysterion today, guess who this mysterious hunk was and figured out on how he knows your 'secret'-a make up for not being able to do that because of the reconstruction they had to do with your house after some demon burnt it on friday-

you had to spend your whole saturday in a hospital, again, and it's again because of your beloved brother. 

"well, it's to thank jesus for," he glares at richard. "saving us from that demon the other day." richard rolls his eyes, flipping his bangs that seems to grow every day you spend in this town.

"oh yeah," you hum, "nice one dick." he flips you of because of your mockery, and you do the same thing.

"i didn't know that we were summoning kanye west." he huffs, "damien said he'll help me get rid of this curse or whatever." he groans, looking at the tentacle he morphed his hand into. 

well it did look a bit normal now, compared to the other times he did that, yet you still cringe at the scene. it reminding you of one of those japanese animation he used to watched. 

" dipshit made me worried," you mutter. "why the hell would you want them gone anyways?" you question. 

he shrugs, "i can't be popular with these weird shit." he rolls his eyes. "besides, tentacles aren't my thing." 

"ugh, don't tell me you're turning jock again?" 

he hums, "nah, i want to try and be an e-boy this time, i hard lot's of girls are fawning over them nowadays." he sighs, "i've already been practicing my pov's, can't risk having these things in the video." 

"why are you such a weirdo." you mutter beneath your breath, glaring at your brother, who seemed like a nine year old kid who just learned how to role play. 

"we're here." your father says and the car stops, you pat your dress, glaring at it's color. 

"did i really have to wear this?" you murmur. "i look gay." 

your father looks at you in confusion. "you're a girl [name], it's uh not gay for you to wear dresses." he shakes his head, chucking after. 

"oh," you replied, blinking in realization. "i'm a girl, yeah." 

you slap yourself mentally, spending time here has really ruined you mind-this town wasn't good for your mental health. 

you liked dresses really, dressing up was fun-but after wearing shorts since you've arrived here really made you uncomfortable wearing this one. 

why didn't you wear stuff like this to school? you ponder, maybe they wouldn't be confused bout your gender if you did. 

well, there's no use of thinking about that now, you tell yourself, shrugging at the thought. 

it's a good thing non of your friends are here though, you did want to tell them the truth, but it would be too awkward this way. 

"oh liane, you're here too?" you hear your father ask, he probably saw some friend of-

wait did he say liane? 

"oh harrison hello, i just came here for my weekly sunday mass with my poopsikines." they chuckle, and you could feel your heart pounding harder. 

poopsikines-car-"eric, come here." oh shit. 

"ugh." you hear a familiar groan and you could feel a sweat forming on your forehead. 

"well this is my son eric." she introduces to your father, and you shift around nervously, knowing that he'll do the same thing. 

"oh, he looks like he's just as the same age as my daughter!" he laughs, he then turns to you both. "richard, [na-" "ah! i'm tulip!" you exclaim, cutting him off before he could say your name. 

he looks at you weird, you look at him nervously, a signal for him to go along with it. 

"maybe she's role-playing dad, what a weirdo." you hear richard murmur and had it not that you two were in public, you'd be beating the shit out of him right now just because of his hypocrisy. 

"oh right," your father clears his throat. "this is my younger daughter, uh tulip." 

you fake a shy wave, you hear eric snort. "she looks just like my friend if he was a bitch." you gulp at his statement, at least he's dumb enough not to notice it's you. 

"eric, language!" ms. cartman scolds him, to which he ignores. your father laughs it off, but you knew you had to do some explaining when you go home. 

"sorry about that honey." ms. cartman apologizes, giving you a soft smile. "my eric didn't mean to insult you in anyway, maybe he's just shy." she giggles. "maybe he has a crush on you. 

you try to hold in the gag that was about to come out from your mouth, your endurance at test. you instead force a smile, not really wanting to talk as something else might spill from your mouth. 

"with this bitch? yuck." the audacity-you thought to yourself, gripping your knuckles. 

"eric!" 

"ah-ah, how about we go in." 

holy shit-jesus take the wheel. 

* * *

"so yer' sure you're not mah friend [name]?" cartman asks from your right, and on instinct you shake your head furiously. "you two are just as ugly."

he rubs his chin-the first one, deep in thought. you on the other hand praying for salvation. 

this was the church wasn't it? where was your safety-where was jesus?

"oh harrison, you came." speak of the de-son of god, jesus suddenly appears beside your father and you pray-pray that he would'nt recognize or call you by your name-timothee chalameeeet

jk

meanwhile in god corp-the lord senses a distress signal from one of his children-it was a prayer!

the signal was quite weak as the little girl hasn't used the contact for a while, but he can sense it-it was from south park!

'god please transmit this message to your son-'eric is an asshole, call me tulip when u see me, peace amen.'

god huffs, it has been two years since the you lass has used the action 'prayer', he still holds grudges for her saying satan was cooler-but hey, anything to make this show slash life of her more interesting.

'just this once.' he tells himself, transmitting the message towards his beloved son, the signal reaching in less than a second.

back to you-there you were, hands clasped together, eyes closed as you pray, opening it a bit, making eye contact with jesus.

just as he was about to greet you-call you by your name, the signal,the message has been received.

"oh he-ehem-tulip." he almost stutter but he completes the mission, earning an s for the mission and more points from his father-and a new devoted follower.

thank god.

* * *

despite avoiding that catastrophe that almost happen earlier-you literally would like for anyone else but eric cartman to be in his place in this whole fiasco. 

the whole time you were at that fucking chapel, you could feel your head burning just because of his fucking glares-

having him learn that you weren't a boy all along, and that they were hanging out with a girl would be the worst case scenario. 

you remembered mysterion's word, but this was cartman you were talking about, the racist sexist pig of south park-

you weren't even sure if you two were actually friends! 

you could see it, the mockery, the endless bullying-worse is you being blackmailed. 

drowning from your thoughts, you didn't notice the. mass finishing, blindly following your father as he walked. 

"well, how about you two hang out with little eric here, i think i would like to talk to liane a bit more." you hear your father offer, but before you could even disagree, richard answers for you. 

"sure, he seems like a cool guy." 

fuck off richard-

"alright, how about you uh tulip?" "yeah tulip's coming too." you see your brother smirk at you-cursing him mentally as you knew he was up to no good. 

"all right, you better enjoy kids." 

you two force a smile, as your father head his way towards liane, richard forcefully brings you with him, shoving you to a corner. 

"so tulip huh? what's with the new name [name]?" he asks and your heart goes wild, you afraid that it might come out from your rib cage. 

scratch cartman, this was the wor-"holy shit, i am right! it's [name]!" oh fuck. 

"wai-" "i'm so telling the others." cartman rubs away, making you palpitate, your legs instinctively running, chasing for him. 

"where are you going!" you hear richard shout from a far, yet you ignore him, going after the other asshole. 

"wait fuck-cartman let me explain!" you shout, panting your legs keeping up their movement. 

"i'm not listening to you tulip!" he laughs, "i know your secret now!" he giggles. 

you groan, jumping to a roof to try and block him as you land. 

it was unnecessary but hey, it was for the action. 

"holy shit-" you land in front of him, yet he just turns back around, running the opposite way. 

"how hard do you want to keep this from us [name]?" he snickers, "don't want the guys learning that you're a sis-" "learn what?" 

you stop, your time freezing as you hear a familiar voice, followed by a muffle. 

"tell the guys what fat ass?" asked kyle and as they were busy talking, you try to plan out your escape. 

but then you paused, did you really not want to take this opportunity? this was your chance to tell them the truth-and they deserved to know about it, and it's like mysterion said it, if they're your real friends they would understand-

bur what if they don't? what if you become an outcast? what would you do if you lose them? 

you'd probably go mad but hey maybe isn't that bad? 

fuck, you bite your lip, all these thinking making your head throb in pain, you were making it more complicated than it should be and that annoyed you to no end. 

"who's that chick behind you fat ass?" you hear them ask and you tremble. 

"oh that, heh." cartman snickers. "that's-" "uh hey." you take a deep breath, turning around, facing their way. 

you were still contemplating whether to really tell them or not, but this was way better than them learning it from someone else. 

this was your chance. 

"i'm [name]," they gasp. "like your friend [na-name]." you stuttered, your confidence unwavering a little. 

"wha-" "i'm [name and i'm a gi-" and as you suspected, kenny dies mysteriously, this time he suddenly explodes, his blood splattered on your face and on your dress.

but yet, unlike before, you don't let this get in the way of your confession, the only thing in your mind are mysterion's words. 

"you ba-" "shut up." you cut kyle off, his attention towards you again. 

"i-" you tremble nervously, worried of what might happen next, you might die or someone else would, but you didn't care anymore. 

no more uncomfortable scenarios in this which you were forced by either pressure or fear to lie, no more secrets. 

"i'm a girl, a-all this time you've been hanging out with a girl." 

... 

... 

...

a gust of wind flies by, the only noise to be heard are either the cars honking or the birds chirping. 

you close your eyes at the awkwardness, praying for something to happen. 

"oh." you finally hear someone say, and you blink. 

"oh." 

their baffled expressions worrying you, your heart pounding hard. 

"ho-holy shit!" cartman exclaims. "i was gonna tell you all that [name] 's a cross dressing sissy but this is gold!" 

wait what? 


	17. dr phil wanna be

"sugar plum, are you okay?" you hear your father from behind the door, not replying, sniffing instead.

he knocked once more, yet you give the same treatment, in relief as you hear his footsteps going down the stairs. 

you sob, reminiscing the events earlier. in panic your anxiety rose as they stared at you with eyes filled with disbelief, your heart pounding, the future scaring you a fuck ton. 

so you ran, running away from your problems was something you wanted to avoid-heck you did all that confession shit for that-now you just feel like a hypocrite. 

meanwhile as you drown your self in anxiety and stress your father groans as his feet touches the first floor, feeling the eyes of his older kid on him. 

"where is she?" richard asks, raising his brow at his father who sighs in reply.

"she's in her room, sulking... and i don’t know why, she won't even talk to me." he shakes his head, remembering how his daughter ran home without him knowing.

richard huffs in annoyance, rolling his eyes. "how troublesome." he groans, making his way upstairs in reluctance but in determination at the same time.

"talk to her for me?" his father asks and he nods, giving him a thumbs up.

only he can bring you down, this behavior was not acceptable at all. 

he walked in front of her door with a frown on his face, knocking once only to be met with silence, he knocked again, twice this time, hearing sniffles in reply.

at least he knew you were there, and that's good enough. "hey bitch, you planing on letting me in?"

he asks and there was no reply-how stubborn, this was going to take him awhile.

he lowered himself, sitting om the floor, his back leaning on the door. 

"what happened?" he tries and there was no answer, only sobs could be heard, "you know you could tell me." 

he huffs, "you always tell me." he rolls his eyes. "what happened to no secrets?" he states, heading towards memory lane. 

_"mom is so scary, i hate her." richard muffles a complain, tucking his head on his folded arms, admiring the red patch that formed on wrist._

_you sit beside him, reaching for his bruised hand. "she's just a little mad dad's not here, she's not that bad..." you kiss his wrist. "there, all better." you giggle._

_he glares at you, annoyance evident, but his next action contradicts his eyes. he pulls you into a hug, making your smile grow wider._

_"i'm the older, i'm the one who's supposed to do the booboo kissing." he mutters, sinking his head on the crook of her shoulder for comfort. "i hate mom and dad..." he huffs, "they're always fighting, and they won't even tell me why."_

_you pat his back, "they said it's adult stuff, we're not supposed to know cuz we're just children."_

_"but i'm not kid-i'm a man!" he removes himself from you, 'flexing his biceps', making you giggle._

_"arms of twigs!" you laugh and he gives you a dirty look, pinching your nose softly._

_"when we grow older, i am so gonna keep stuff from them." he boasts, "i'm gonna be sneaky like them!" he laughs in haughtiness._

_you grin, "well me too! i'm gonna have my own secrets too!" he glares at you. "hey, you can't keep anything from me." he shakes his head. "your older brother needs to know everything."_

_you pout, crossing your arm over your shoulder. "unfair, you get to keep secrets and i don’t?" he nods, "hmp, you're just like mom and dad then, leaving me out. " you huff._

_he groans, you did make a point-"fine, how about we keep our secrets between us-like we tell each other but no one else can know." he grins. "like no secrets between us."_

_you thought for a second, smiling at his proposal, holding your pinky out. "i like that, pinky promise?"_

_he huffs, "how unmanly." he snorts holding his own hand out, "i promise."_

"...asshole." he perks up, hearing you sob from inside. "i hate you." you add, and a smile forms on his lips. 

pulling a bobby pin from his pockets he sighs, "same." he says messing with the lock of your door. "i know you know that i'm messing with your door." 

"true..." you reply, "then stop giving me a hard time! open the door!" he exclaims from the other side. 

you laugh at his antics, his stupidity feels so refreshing-makes you forget of the previous problem that you had in hand just a few minutes ago. 

"i'm playing hard to get." you snicker, your grin fading as you feel the door you were leaning on pushed, making you almost lose balance. 

"idiot." he opens the door fully, closing it after, helping you afterwards. 

the both of you sit on your bed, you rubbed your eyes of the remnant tears, your snot going along with it. your brother looks at you in disgust, handing you his handkerchief. 

breaking the silence, richard speaks. "mind... spilling the tea?" 

you snort, "fuck you." you mumble, hugging him, taking him back for a little, but he returns it either way. 

you remove yourself from him minutes afterwards, explaining the whole fiasco you managed to land your ass into, you notice his amusement, even his attempts to stop his laughter, yet you don't point it out, happy and grateful that he was there for you to confine to. 

"so you're telling me, they thought you were a boy the whole time-" you nod and he bursts out laughing. "that's so dumb, in what way do you look like a boy." he shakes his head and you look at him flatly. 

"richard, i look manlier than you are." you point out, "look, my arms are bigger than yours." you shake your head. 

he glares at you, "that's 'cuz your fat." he huffs, "no, you're just really skinny." you mumble and he chooses to ignore it, denial evident in his eyes. 

you've always been the stronger one when it came to physical strength-that you've known as you grew up, richard wasn't that fon of sports after all-choosing to bury his nose to porn mags and waste his times playing with video games. 

and that was fine-the older brother protecting the younger ome is so mainstream after all. 

"so what's bothering you? so what if you're a girl." he shrugs and you sigh. "they're sexist pigs richard, you wouldn't know." you lay down your bed, stan's statement not form long ago flashing through your head. 

"then-why be friends with them in the first place," he copies you, resting his back on the mattress. "you don't have to hang out with people like them, go get your girlfriends or something." 

"they hate me too." you huff, "probably." 

"loser." you hear him mutter, and you punch his arm. "you're not helping." you turn your head away, facing the window. 

"well," he sits up. "maybe you don't need friends-well at least these jerks." he looks at you softly. "you have me." he smiles, "you have us, you have our family." 

you clench your fist, the tears swelling up in your eyes. "but your always gone... you always have something else to do." you pout. "i don't wanna be alone." 

he pinches your cheeks, "dumbass, i'm always here, cthullu shit and all." you snort. "fuck you, acting brotherly and shit." 

"shut up, don't ruin the moment." you stand up, pulling him into a hug. 

"thanks dick, this means a lot." you smile, murmuring it to his ears, happy to have him beside you. 

now that you thought about it, before south park, you were quite close with your brother-he was your best friend, he's a weirdo but you still loved going along his stupid antics, in fact you never complained. 

maybe moving did change you a lot-who would've thought someone like you who lived in a normal life so far would be experiencing these fucked up things-

it's a change but you wouldn't say it's bad. 

"kids, can i finally join the conversation and not be left out?" you hear your father from outside and you laugh. 

"no dad, shoo!" you brother shouts. "it's just a secret between me and this shit head!" 

maybe changes wouldn't be that scary as long as you had someone to run to always. 

* * *

despite the whole adapting monologue you've devised from yesterday, you would be lying to say that these changes didn't overwhelm you one bit. 

so much things happened-well three things actually. 

your friends finally know whether you have a weewee or a fanny-the school has a new principal and that you punched someone for the first time. 

"mwommy-she," cartman moans in front of you, his mother softly patting his head as he sobbed. "pu-pu-nched me." 

yes, it was something predictable-something you knew was bound to happen, but you yoy were still surprised nonetheless. 

the months of training, holding in your anger-the years of you being the cool kid who never gets mad to result to violence-turned out to this. 

well he did deserve it, throwing in those f slurs t slurs at you-heck you weren't even mad he was calling you that, furious because he even spat those words from his mouth. 

what an asshole. 

"well he deserved it." you huff, your father glaring at you as you did. "he called me a t word." you roll your eyes, "which i'm not-i'm not saying it's bad or anything-i'm just a girl mistaken for a boy." 

carefully uttering those words, you prayed for a good result fron your pc principal. 

as they say-curse on your mother, but never a social justice warrior. 

"but she-hic-really is a tra-" and before he could even continue the slur, a fist meets cartman's face, not yours, but the principal's. 

what the hell. 


	18. twig of lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not canon chapter-kinda like a sot special lmfao

being a knight was something you've always aspired to become, but was also a thing you knew you'd never be able to achieve. 

so to stand here, clad in armor and a sword in hand would be a dream come true, but you never knew how hard it would be. 

it wasn't as if you're bad with the sword, wielding it has always been your passion. your father was a veteran so it would make sense that you would also be good as well. 

but at the same time it didn't-you were a girl after all, a woman whose expected to rely on their husband-do womanly things to which doesn't include sword fighting. 

what an unfair world-what a sexist system, but hey, you've somehow managed to stand on the battlefield fulfilling your dream.

but that wasn't the only struggle, that wasn't even the hardest. 

"who stole my cheesy poofs?," cartman, the grand mage huffs, "was it you [surname]?" he points towards you and you couldn't help but roll your eyes.

was he really the most powerful mage the kingdom has? the crem de la crem? if so, what's wrong with the kupa keep's standards?

"you finished all of them oh great mage." you say with no enthusiasm, a hopeful plea that he will get your sarcasm. 

"bu-but that's impossible! that was a family pack! it can't just disappear in thin air!" he exclaims, and thankfully the heavens showed mercy and gave you an ally. 

"if it's you we're talking about, is it really that surprising." you hear craig mutter, making you hold a laugh as his statement did make sense, envy in your eyes however on how he can be so direct with this walking grease. 

"what was that? you wanna go brah?" 

"he only means that your prowess does indeed exceed normal expectations my liege." you try to save the thief without giggling, faking admiration for the said mage. 

he seems to take it, huffing in confidence, taking in pride his so called abilities, making you snort. 

craig gives you an amused smirk, his handsome features making you feel weird yet you shook it off and you reply with one of your own and a thumbs up. 

when they said traveling the world for the best views-this has to be one of the best views. 

maybe traveling with these idiots might be not that bad, maybe this grand asshole was just the only problem. he occupies ninety percent of the reason why you hate this mission after all. 

if you were to compare a noble brat and cartman and if asked who was the strongest mage in all of humanity, you'd choose their pet pig as it seems like a more reasonable answer and it's more tolerable than the other two as well. 

"mmmh mmh." an arm suddenly slithers around your waist, snapping out of your thoughts, a heavy blush forming on your face. "mmhmp?" 

"a-ah, princess!" you exclaim, as you noticed the familiar muffled voice from behind you. 

this girl hugging you tight was princess kenny, it was quite odd seeing her with you in the battlefield but it was amusing as well, not to mention that she was quite a useful archer and a seductress. 

the only problem was that she seems to have taken a great liking on you-not that much of a deal since you were a girl, a factor you weren't sure of if she knew about it, but a big deal because it was working. 

she was very alluring and distracting, not to mention touchy too, but there was no place in romance in this adventure. 

if you wanted to lift the execution placed on your brother for hanging out with the creatures called goths, you have to get that stick fast. 

"hey, eyes on me please." you hear her breath on your neck and you couldn't help but shiver, her seductive voice affecting you almost immediately.

her voice was odd, it was calm and deep but not in a woman way, she almost sounds like a man but inn a good way, you don't know if it's just because of the lack of space between the two of you but she makes you feel weird.

"a-ah princess!" you managed to stutter out, "wha-what can i do for you?" you ask and you could see a far from innocent grin form on her face.

the arm around your waist travels upwards slightly, tracing circles on your stomach making you blush harder. "a lot of things." she whispers and you tremble, yet you don't complain. you were like a moth drawn to a flame, this princess waa dangerous yet you like it.

the carriage stops and her body pushes itself towards you, making the space between you nonexistent as her womanly flesh collides with your back-though their quite hard like apples, it still manages to make you flushed. 

"we're here!" you hear the paladin butters say, "the forest of elves is just up a head!" he shouts, yet you almost pay no mind, the alluring princess the only thing you could think of. 

"hey, let's go." suddenly a hand tugs your own, forcefully pulling you out of the embrace of the said princess, making you sigh in both relief and disappointment.

"thanks craig," you give him a small smile and he replies with a small nod, dragging you with him to meet the small group. 

as you stood with the hundreds of humans standing with you as you enter the forest, you couldn't help but think-"this plan is stupid." craig beats you to it and you only nod in agreement. 

the plan was to enter the eleven kingdom through the forest a it's the only part that's near enough the castle and isn't guarded with canons, but you were sure that king kyle isn't stupid enough to leave this entrance unguarded. 

"i'm sure we'll still encounter some elves on the way," you sigh, "but i guess it's better than getting blasted by a canon." you mutter and craig snorts.

"i'm not paid enough for this." he mumbles and you agree silently, though the money not really being your concern, thirty gold and a lifted punishment-you weren't really sure if that's a good enough reward for risking your life to this stupid plan. 

and as if you weren't stressed enough, your speculations from before were correct as arrows fire from the forest while cartman delivers his speech, making him halt as an arrow almost hits him. 

"ho-holy shit that bitch!" he says as an arrow lands beside him, "kaaaaahl-you fucking jew!" he shouts and you wince as he began to throw tantrums of his own. 

you raise your shield to block the arrows but it was suddenly taken from you by craig, you look at him in confusion for a second but you realized what he did-

he was taller than you and his arms longer so the shield blocked more arrows from the two of you. 

you gasp as an arrow nearly grazes your cheek, only to be pulled closer by him under the shield-hey wasn't this like those shitty plays where the female is under he umbrella with the guy and he shields them from the rain. 

would've been romantic if it's not fucking blades raining down on the two of you-still the gesture couldn't help but make you flustered. 

"thanks," you mumble and he replies with an amused look, his mouth twitching upwards. 

what a mysterious man, oddly charming too, doesn't help that he's kinda hot now that you noticed it-your pride as a knight deteriorating as seconds passed by, replaced with a maidens heart and desires. 

once there was justice now filled with romance and-fuck-was that the princess falling from behind craig-was that a big as arrow on her head!? 

holy-"oh my god they killed kenny! you bastards!" yoy hear a voice from a far shout and you couldn't help but agree. 

there was no time for love-only there is death in the battlefield, your pride as a knight coming back as you were hit with the realization. 

you remove yourself from craig, huffing as you shout. "men! take cover inside the trees-you idiots stop panicking, you're merely playing along with the eleven kings plan!" you order. "grand mage stop throwing tantrums-we'll beat the shit out of kyle after we get over this rain of arrows!"

they follow suite and you sigh, you weren't even a commander yet you do this-well you still did have morality and you refuse ti just watch the lives of those soldiers go to waste. 

"faster!" 

they better fucking up your pay after this. 

* * *

having your troops successfully moved towards the forest, the mage now ordered to go straightforward and launch a full attack on the eleven kingdom, which miraculously worked-because of mostly you and craig by the way.

with your swordsmanship and his infiltration skills, the two of you were successful im bringing your troops inside the palace, well more like five of them.

because of the mage, a lot were left as corpses in the battlefield, his recklessness leading to this kind of situation.

after all of this, you seriously need to give that asshole a good beating, for the sake of you and your sanity. 

"we're coming in raw no rubber-we're gonna fuck kahl's ass so hard and shove the stick up his asshole." the mage seethed in anger, "that stupid jew!"

not wanting the eight of you dead, you raise your hand, "how about we fuck him up without him knowing." you suggest in a language you hoped would convince him, "if we erm, fucking him from behind without him realizing, wouldn't that bring more joy to you my lord?" you suggest, wincing at the vulgar language.

"oh shit-that's huge! great thinking name, spoken like a true rapist!" you groan mentally at the said compliment.

"what do you have in mind?" he asks and you tell him your plan.

your plan was to have you, butters, tweek and token directly attack the king while cartman, craig and kenny enters from behind, a simple plan just to distract the guards.

everyone agrees with your plan, even if it wasn't good, it was still better than just barging inside.

"well you heard me, i the great mage king will bring glory to the kingdom of humans! with my plan we shall take the stick!" cartman boasts, taking the credit, yet you don't mind, just wanting to get this shit done.

"good luck," you mutter, gripping your sword tightly as the two groups divide.

"tweek! barge in!" you shout to the barbarian and just as you expected, the elf king did expect cartman to just barge in, meaning most of his men were here guarding the front entrance of the castle.

and included in those men was swordsman stan, a wielder of the blade whose abilities were in par with yours. 

"so you're stan huh, master swordsman." you mutter, bringing out your own blade. "mind if i test whether you're worthy of the title or not?" you grin and he laughs a little.

"big words from a small man." he chuckles and you almost blush because of his voice-despite being a knight you were still a young maiden, your hormones reacting to his voice almost instantly.

sometimes you wished you weren't this horny. 

you shook your head, refusing to be affected by his taunt, lunging in with your sword in hand clashing it with his.

the two of you continued this, the strength difference evident however as you noticed yourself being at the disadvantage, being a woman knight was harder than you thought.

but you had your trump card, gathering the little mana you had and focusing it on your hand, you raised your sword once more, colliding it his his once more, the power however now on par with his.

"ma-magic!?" he exclaims and you snicker, those shitty lessons with richard was worth it after all.

"not really." you huff, "just a little enhanceme-wait shit!" he suddenly removes his blade and because of the force you've been placing, you couldn't help but stumble, you body landing on his.

"wha-what the hell!?" you scolded, "why would you remove your sword so sudde-shit!" a soldier from behind you nudges you slightly, and before you could even realize it you were already falling.

"wha-mmhp!?" you mumble, your lips unable to move properly however as they were on somethings-rather someone's.

your eyes meets blue ones and flushed cheeks, a wonderful sight to look at if you weren't currently in war-

it doesn't help either that one of his hands are now supporting your body with it on one of your tits. 

you swore you felt your flesh being squished slightly but that's a story for another time. 

"i-i'm so sorry!" you immediately removed yourself from him, a heavy blush forming on your face.

he stares at you in awe-"you're a girl?" he asks and you nod shyly and before you knew it, bile was already on your shirt, not even a chance to shout at him was given to you as he passes out.

what the actual fuck.

"[name]holyshitholyshithurry!" the barbarian tweek exclaims, and as you remove yourself from the passed out knight, you couldn't help but want to pass out yourself as corpses surround you.

"professor chaos got rid of his enemies!" the paladin butters mutter in triumph before he passes out himself.

getting yourself together was somewhat hard but you managed to do it by the sheer will of ending this shit, removing your armor covered in bile as you stood up. 

you got a cloak from your satchel, placing it on the fallen knight, sighing and blushing at the same time. 

what a shame to have an enemy take your first kiss. 

"let's go," you tell the remaining people from your group-the conscious ones-token, tweek and kenny-wait kenny? didn't she die from earlier? 

well she looks half dead right now so-

but there was no time to think about that, you open your door sto the throne room and there stood king kyle, shocked and baffled at his fallen men. 

"how-ho-shit!" he exclaims as a magic missile lands on his face, the stick slipping out from his hands because of the shock. 

craig successfully takes it from him, granting the success towards the humans. 

"yes! we finally have the stick!" suddenly a voice shouts and to your surprise it wasn't cartman-it was clyde. 

the knight you replaced because he was banished by the mage king-what the hell - "what the hell are you doing here clyde!?" cartman shouts in disbelief.

the said man emerges from the shadows, a haughty smirk on his face as he approaches craig.

"you lost fatass!" craig hands clyde the stick. "the stick is now mine!" he laughs and you stare in disbelief.

craig was indeed shady but not this shady so you'd be lying if you said you were expecting this-this kind of betrayal however oddly suits him.

imagine if you were taken by the traitor-some ero novel plot right there.

"but i fucking banished you-you cheater!" cartman exclaims and the banter continues, unknown to them eas the princess in her final breath stretching the string of her arrow, releasing a bow that hits the once banished knight.

"fuck!" clyde shouts as the arrow pierces him, his grasp on the stick becoming loose giving cartman an opportunity to cast a curse on him making him drop it on the ground.

the stick rolls towards you and you look at them in shock, picking it up in panic. 

how the hell did the situation go to this-

"yes victory to us humans!" cartman shouts while kyle pleas. "give it to us [name]! the stick would be better in the hands of anyone other than this fat ass!"

you try to asses the situation, your grip on the stick tightening as you comprehend what was going on.

"is this really the stick-?" you mumble. "feels like a normal stick to me."

"[name] give it to me now! i'll lift richard's execution if you do!" cartman shouts and you look at him.

"wait-richard-" kyle interrupts, "you mean the great mage richard and his goth girlfriend?" he laughs, "he's living here in the eleven kingdom!"

"what!?" you say baffled, "yeah, they were refugees from cartman's terror rule that's why they went here!"

"what no-don't fucking believe this jew, all jews are liars!"

"shit up fatass!"

"you idiots richard is with me!" clyde suddenly joins in on the argument. "he's part of my dark army!"

the fight resumes, vulgar words and childish insults coming from all the three sides and you just stared in confusion.

the thoughts going through your head was immeasurable, the mixed feelings and emotions giving you a throbbing headache. 

then you realize-why the fuck are you even doing this, richard is a powerful mage, he can take care of himself, and if he's indeed dead, you were sure he can resurrect himself as he was a necromancer.

what the fuck are you even doing here-you could've done normal eighteen year old stuff rather than this bullshit.

fuck the sword-the wars to participate in are just so childish why even give an effort-fuck this stick!

in fury and anger, you broke the stick with your bare hands, the snap it made while it split into two making the room fall into silence.

"screw you guys i'm going home." you huff, turning your back away from the three idiots who looked at you baffled.

you weren't paid enough to handle this shit.

* * *

extra:

"i don't wanna join." you shake your head looking at your friends in their silly costumes. 

"don't be such a kj [name], it'll be fun!" clyde nudges you and you shove his hand gently. 

"the whole thing sounds dumb-why fight for a stick?" you roll your eyes. "and besides i feel like a me from a different universe already suffered from something similar." you mumble. 

* * *

  
  



End file.
